


Lily Evans and The Cursed Quill

by gothambeat



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: But Snape isn't Exactly Good, Eventual James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Eventual Romance, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Gen, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Humor, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Multi, Not Snape Bashing, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Romance, Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Teen Angst, Wizarding Wars
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-08 11:34:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8843137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothambeat/pseuds/gothambeat
Summary: After the previous year's Incident, Lily Evans was planning on reconciling the relationships in her life when she went back to Hogwarts. But things are more complicated and dangerous than she realized. Feelings take a step back as she attempts to figure out what's been going on and who's targeting the muggleborn students. (Renamed from Lily Evans and the Muggle Market.)





	1. The Arrogant Owl

**Author's Note:**

> I've only just read the Harry Potter series and fell hard for it. I didn't think I was going to fall into the hole that is the Marauders' era but here we are. I tried to be original in characterization in how I see them and not copy other fanfictions (I've devoured my share of them) but feel free to offer your opinions.

Everything started too early in the morning.

The walls of the Evans family house were beautifully decorated in appropriately homey attire and a tasteful wallpaper that didn't hurt anyone's eyes unless stared at for too long. Pictures of a husband, a wife and two daughters were evenly spaced through the hallway that lead from the small but functional kitchen to the equally small but functional bedrooms. 

As meticulously placed as each picture frame and table was for the optimal magazine-like appearance, the walls were, however, thin. Thus Lily Evans, the second and youngest daughter of the household, awoke to her elder sister’s shriek at much too early an hour.

Lily pulled her face from under her curtain of hair and checked the clock. It read nine a.m. in the morning. Yes, much too early, especially since Lily Evans was very used to sleeping in during the rainy summer months while she waited for school to start again.

“Lily!” she heard Petunia, her wonderfully shrill sister yell again. She counted the steps as they thundered down the hall until the door to their shared bedroom flew open and hit the wall with a loud bang.

Lily hid herself under her mess of hair and pretended she could sleep through the earthquake of noise. 

Petunia was not convinced. “Get your rat out of the kitchen!” she demanded, crossing her arms. 

Quiet, Lily thought to herself, just pretend I've died in the night and my ghost is haunting Madam Brandal’s. She imagined books and the smell of dust mixed with the fresh flowers in the window. Madam Brandal probably wouldn’t mind a ghost. It fit in nicely with her poor lightly but wonderful selection of literature.

“I know you can hear me,” Petunia said, stomping over and tearing the cover off her sister. “Mum said to take care of your vermin!”

“It's not a rat,” Lily said, defeated and forced to respond now that she had a face full of morning air. She sat up and pushed her hair from her eyes to better glare. “It's an owl. Just give her a treat and let her out.”

Petunia huffed and sat on her own bed across the room to glare back. “I’m not touching it, I already told you. It probably has fleas and who knows what else. And it's not my responsibility. Mum told you to take care-” 

“Honestly,” Lily huffed and searched the ground for her robe. The floor was scattered with loose leaf paper and scrolls. “I'm not asking you to feed her.”

“You just said to!” Petunia pointed out. “Give the creature a biscuit and let it roam free.”

Petunia could make war over anything, Lily thought bitterly. “To get to out of your hair! She delivered a letter and wants to know she did a good job.” Finally finding her robe under the pile of books, Lily pulled it on only to find it inside-out. She resolved to leave it. 

Petunia huffed. “It’s absurd,” she said. “Birds don’t deliver mail, and owls don’t stay in the kitchen! I’m trying to eat breakfast, not visit a barn.”

“Why are you home?” Lily asked and immediately regretted it. She hadn’t meant it to come out so sharp but the rude wake-up had clipped her conversational skills. She didn’t like Petunia most times but she didn’t like fighting with her either. Nor did she actually want to continue this conversation.

Petunia stared at her younger sister as if looking at an alien that smelled rotten. “It’s Saturday,” she said. It was? Since when? Lily blinked back at her sister and then looked over to the calendar taped to the wall. Tuesday was the last day ticked off. Perhaps she should start paying better attention or she might miss the beginning of term next month. She cast a glance at the potions book that had fallen off the bed when she had finally succumbed to sleep and cursed at bending the pages. She'd been brewing a lot this week.

“Oh,” was all Lily said to her sister and then tugged on her slippers to fend off the damp air. Despite the summer heat that sometimes proceeded nightfall, every morning was a rainstorm. The house carried the rain in the walls and through the floor and Lily always felt somewhat damp whenever she was home. 

She made her way into the kitchen where a magnificent eagle owl sat on the table, picking at Petunia’s abandoned bowl of cereal. This was not her own beautiful barn owl, Archimedes. No, this owl was as proud as his owner and turned it’s orange eyes on Lily immediately with a stony gaze that made her feel as if she had been scolded. 

“We meet again, Godric,” Lily said, sinking into a chair at the table and plucking the letter from under his talons. “What has the prat got to say this time?” She read the envelope, which only said “Lily Evans” in sloppy ink.

Godric gave no hint of the letters contents and stared at her, expecting payment. Lily sighed, contemplating reading the parchment or tossing it. What good would it do if she wasn’t going to respond? What did he think was going on, that all her letters were getting lost? 

Probably. He was arrogant enough to think she’d write back but her owl would get lost. Then again, Archi had been a while returning from Mary’s…

Rising, Lily called to the guest owl as she made her way to the breadbox that held an assortment of knickknacks like pens, owl treats and business cards but no actual bread. She pulled out an empty bag of “Mr. Emmet’s Owl Feed” with crumbs at the bottom and frowned at Godric.

“Would you settle for a biscuit?” she asked, on the search again. No wonder Petunia had a fit. Godric was almost twice the size of Lily’s owl and had the attitude of a thug when not receiving due payment. Lily herself had been slightly intimidated the first time the grand creature had flown in through the window and landed in front of her with such an intense gaze. 

Finding an old package of biscuits, she returned to the table, letter and owl and tossed it a slightly-stale but still tolerable sweet. Godric took it willingly but didn’t budge.

“What now?” Lily asked. The bird only stared. “I’m not paying you. This is hardly the Daily Prophet.”

Still nothing. Finally, she resolved to just open the bloody letter and see it if had any hint of how to get rid of the bird.

 

_Dear Lily,_

_How do you fair this wonderful day? It’s raining here but perhaps it’s better where you reside. You deserve some sunshine on your holiday._

_I’m hoping you’ve read my previous letters but in the case that they’ve ended up in the rubbish bin instead of your lovely hands let me reiterate the main points._

_I am deeply sorry I’ve caused you pain by exposing the darkness in your friend. I do not share those views and never have and would never stand for anyone using that term, to you or anyone. I would hope you thought higher of me than that but perhaps my pranks may have cast a different light. I only like a bit of fun, you see._

_I would love to hear all about your summer but alas, I fear any attempt you’ve had to contact me thus far has failed. Perhaps it’s your bird or some other terrible luck so I’ve instructed Godric to stay and await your response. He’ll only fly back to me with your letter in claw._

_Please send Godric back in good time with some response. I don’t want any bad blood between us, Lily. Gryffindors need to stick together!_

 

_Always yours,_

_James Potter_

 

At the bottom, in a different kind of handwriting was another note.

_Evans-_

_Toss Potter a broom already, even if it’s just to throw him off it. He’s driving us mad._

_Black_

 

Unlike Potter’s owl scratch, Sirius’s handwriting was particular and neat. Nothing like the five-year-old handwriting of a pretentious James Potter. 

Lily reread the letter again to decode more of the letter and be sure of its contents, then looked back at the bird. “There’s no way I can get you to leave otherwise, is there?” she asked.

Nothing. 

She slammed the letter down on the table before falling into her chair. What a cheap trick. He was holding his own bird hostage for her response. A response to a ludicrous apology he didn’t understand and probably didn’t mean and she didn’t have enough time, patience or words to explain it to him. 

Petunia entered, changed from her nightgown into a new stylish dress and glared at the bird on the table still picking at the stale biscuit. 

“What’s it still doing here?” she asked, turning her cold gaze to Lily.

“Waiting for a response,” Lily said. “The owner gave it an order not to leave until I’ve responded.”

“Well, get to it then.” Petunia pulled the cereal bowl away quickly as if fearful of being bit by the owl and crossed to the sink. “Why mum and dad allow them in the house is beyond me,” she muttered under her breath.

“I don’t have a response,” Lily said, ignoring the latter comment. “That’s the issue. I don’t want to talk to him.”

“I thought all you freaks stuck together?” Petunia asked. “Secret club and all that.” 

Lily thought about Severus and his comment. Then the disappearances in the Prophet and the ongoing talk of “blood purity” that seemed to be surging. Unease turned her stomach. Had parentage always been as big a deal and she hadn’t noticed or was it truly growing in popular opinion? 

Severus brought it up when they were younger as one of the first things he told her about the magical world. She remembered that now as she recalled the tree they used to climb on and the swingset they lurked around when they were kids. It was a fact among hundreds he’d told her about the wizarding worlds but it was there, at the very beginning. 

Still, it hadn’t been such a Big Deal until perhaps her fourth year when the first article appeared talking about the decline of the “top families in Britain.” She noticed the sneers from the Slytherins more but she always assumed that because Sev. Gryffindor and Slytherin friendships didn’t last long and theirs was the longest yet. 

Lily hated that she hadn’t paid attention. She thought it would be better to ignore all that but now she wished she knew for certain which insults they had used and that she had dates for the discrimination. It would be documentation to back up the horrid way she felt meant justification.

“Apparently not,” Lily answered Petunia, flicking a piece of biscuit towards the rubbish bin. 

When did Severus buy into all of that nonsense? Mayde the idea had always been there, planted by his awful parents and grown to bloom after years of pressure. Or had his friends wormed their way into him, warped his core and rotted out his ideals? 

Maybe he was just acting like that to fit in. Hogwarts could be lonely, Lily knew. Those nights when they couldn’t see each other, couldn’t compare notes or brew together were long and tedious. Maybe Sev was just putting on airs to keep up his new friends. 

Lily wanted to ask him. She wanted to hit him. She never wanted to see him again. 

Which was probably why she had been avoiding him ever since that day. Him and Potter and Black. What did you say to friends that betrayed you? Lily didn’t know. She only knew what Petunia said when betrayed. “Freak.” For someone so thin and breakable, Petunia knew how to cut. She could give dark witches a run for their witchery. 

Lily wasn’t sure she wanted to cause that same pain to anyone. Even someone that thought her a lesser creature.

She noticed Petunia was staring at her now from the sink and Lily sat up, looking for something to fix to keep her sister from yelling. What was she looking at? The look in her eye was not something LIly recognized at least not from Petunia. It was a gaze from a professor deciding judgement. 

“I’m going out tonight,” Petunia said finally, as if declaring something important. She raised her chin ever-so-slightly. This was a subtle movement Lily knew well from her sister. Distaste but duty. “Vernon wants to try a new restaurant and I have a new dress I want to show him. You should come.”

Lily flicked another piece of biscuit at Godric, who tried to nip her finger in irritation. They glared at each other for several seconds before Lily truly heard the words.

“Wh-what?” she asked, startled and turning to her sister.

Petunia seemed to be second-guessing her decision. “You should come,” she said, matter-of-factly. “Associate with proper people.”

Lily wondered if Petunia would want to know that’s what certain wizards said about their own kind but didn’t dare ask out loud. Maybe it was because her mouth was too busy hanging open in astonishment at her sister, her very own elder sister that hated everything about Lily, inviting her out with her fiance. 

And Lily would automatically respond with “No thank you,” - or more likely a “Not in hell” - because she couldn’t stand Vernon and his boring way of offending anyone in a room except the last time Petunia had offered Lily anything had been before the witch had boarded the Hogwarts Express for the first time. They had been warring ever since. And Lily was tired of fighting.

“Yeah,” she heard herself saying before she realized it. “Alright. Thank you.”

Petunia gave a sharp nod. “Eight o’clock,” she said. “And wear something normal.” She stretched the last word out like explaining a complex idea to a child.

Lily only nodded and watched her sister stalk out of the kitchen, hearing her steps disappear down the hallway.

Godric met her eyes, unimpressed by the latest development. Of course the Potter owl wouldn’t care. And he didn’t seem impressed by stale biscuits. 

“Come on,” Lily said. “Let’s go buy you some treats.”

She dressed and found Godric still perched on the kitchen table. She resolved to just leave it and wrote a note to her parents and sisters and headed out into the rain.

Spinner’s End was not a pleasant place and Lily moved quickly down the road spurred on by memories more than the drizzle that was frizzing her hair. Town was a trek away but Lily didn’t bother with cars and she was still a year off from aparating so walking was her only option. 

The pet shop wasn’t magical by any means and only sold cats and dogs along with the occasional rabbit but getting to London was difficult during the summer and Lily had made a deal with the owners. She pushed open the door while holding her breath to keep the smell from overwhelming her. The older woman at the counter looked up from her catalogue.

“Was wonderin’ when we’d be seein’ you in,” she said with a smile and hacking cough. 

Lily cleared her throat when the smell finally reached her nostrils and gave a forced smile. “I lost track of the calendar,” she said. “I hope it wasn’t a burden.”

The woman, Bertha, waved a hand before using it to help push herself to her feet. She disappeared behind the shelves of pet food but her voice carried over. “A few days in the back is nothin’ to worry over,” she said. “Only hopin’ that owl isn’t starved.”

“No,” Lily confirmed and walked to the cage of puppies that yipped up at her. “She’s brilliant.”

“I’ve been seein’ her about,” Bertha said from further back in the shop. “Aren’t owls nocturnal?”

“Only some,” Lily answered automatically, the conversation the same as the last time she had visited the shop. And the time before that.

“And you’re not scared she go flyin’ off and get missin’?”

“She’s safe,” Lily said. She tried petting a brown dog she didn’t recognize but it attempted to nip her and she pulled back. Dogs didn’t like her much. Or perhaps she didn’t like them after an incident with a neighborhood stray.

It eyed her as Lily moved onto the cats. They were tiny little things, orange with smushed faces that mirrored their mother. Lily stuck her fingers through the cage bars and brushed them against their fur. She’d like a cat if it didn’t spell the demise of her beautiful owl. And Archimedes was the only communication to her parents during school. Maybe after graduation she could get one. 

“Here you are!” Bertha came back into view with a large bag she placed on the counter with a harsh thud. “Your usual order.”

“Thank you,” Lily said, pulling her crumpled notes from her purse. She counted out the proper amount. Much more than she’d have to pay at Diagon Alley but it was special order and she didn’t have much choice.

“Take care of yourself,” Bertha said with a smile. 

Lily smiled and took the bag with a huff and walked out. It was heavy but she was used to lugging a schoolbag full of ancient textbooks. She started down the street, spotting Madam Brandal’s Bookshop. Perhaps she could sneak in for a minute and see if there was anything new on the shelves.

His stance alerted her to his presence first. She didn’t know when she had started identifying his slouch but Lily could easily pick out Severus’s slim, drooping figure through the window of the store. His back was to her, scanning the shelves for something in the fiction section. Lily wondered if he searched for her. That section was her favorite spot, not his. Maybe he was waiting there to make another attempt at apology.

Her heart tugged at her chest, urging her forward but her feet stayed in the puddle on the street. Her old friend had called her something vile, hung around evil people who believed in evil things and was researching things she didn’t agree with. But he was still a boy trapped in a house who had always deserved better. Did all those things make him evil? Did they make him an exception to her time?

He shifted towards the window and Lily ducked her head before sprinting home. 

Godric sat in the window ledge when she got home and shook the rain from her coat. He turned to glare at her before spotting the bag and flying over, clutching her shoulder painfully.

“Hey, hold on!” Lily hung up her purse and ripped a hole in the bag with her finger. Godric dove for a treat before she could get one out and she swore as she felt the sharp pain.

“Bloody Potter,” she muttered as she made her way to the sink. Godric returned to his sill, now content, and attended his feathers. Lily continued her washing and cursing.

“Where’s the fire?” the deep voice of her father asked from the doorway. He looked over his daughter’s shoulder and clucked his tongue. “That’s a harsh one.”

“He’s as impatient as his owner,” Lily answered, wishing she could could cast a simple charm and be done with it. She loved her muggle house and upbringing but sometimes it was just plain inconvenient being stuck muggle for the summer. If blood purists had such issues with them, why did they subject their youth to a magical ban every summer? Did homeschooled witches and wizards have to agree to that, Lily wondered. 

“And who’s that?” her father asked, interrupting her thoughts. He made his way to the table and pretended not to read the letter still sitting there. “A boy?” His tone had changed to teasing.

“Unfortunately,” Lily said, through clenched teeth. She wrapped a towel around her finger and held it tight against the sting.

“Oh,” was all her father said, unwilling to get into a romantic conversation with one of his daughters. “You go out?”

“Had to get treats for Archi. Where’s mum?”

“In the city, looking for work,” he said. “Put some tea on, yeah?”

Lily started the kettle. “Petunia’s going out tonight,” Lily began slowly, trying to figure out what she was asking. “With Vernon.”

“I figured as much,” her father said as he picked up the paper and ruffled through it.

“She asked me to come.”

Her father looked up from the paper and back at his youngest daughter. He hid his surprise quickly behind a smile. “That’s great, petal.”

Lily leaned over the counter. “I don’t understand why, dad.”

“Because she’s your sister, Lil,” he said. “You two should spend more time together. Your mother and I are always saying that.”

“Dad,” Lily said in a blank tone. “She thinks I’m a freak.”

“Oh come now, she’s just sensitive.” He waved a hand in the air as if to erase years of built up anger and torment between them. Lily watched them float out the window and get run over by a passing car. “She loves you and this proves it. You really ought to go.”

Lily suppressed a whine. She wasn’t five, she shouldn’t pout but anything having to do with Petunia made her want to scream and shout. “I don’t understand why she’s inviting me out now, though,” she said, trying to communicate all the thoughts in her brain. “And with Vernon. She’s never wanted me to associate with her friends before.”

Her father sighed and finally put down the paper. He rubbed his eyes before looking up at his daughter. He was quiet for a few long moments and Lily felt thoroughly studied, as if he was seeing her after years of casual glances. 

“You’re both growing up,” he said in a tone Lily wasn’t completely familiar with. “And when you grow up, you find you change. Your relationships and feelings are different. You understand more. You and your sister, I think she sees that there isn’t so much keeping you apart anymore.”

Lily breathed in his words and swallowed them like water. They were uncomfortable and made her chest ache. She needed to cough to clear her chest.

“People can really change that easily?” she asked. 

“At your age?” Her father gave a laugh. “Oh yeah. You kids will change your minds over and over again. How many favorite songs have you been through this summer.”

“That’s not the same thing,” Lily pouted. “I have a year’s worth of music to make up for in two months!”

Her father laughed harder. “You keep this up, though, and you’ll need a new record player by September.”

Lily wanted to point out that Petunia already had a new tape deck but moved to pull the kettle off the stove instead. She liked her Bowie on record anyway. She hated leaving her music at home during the school year. Studying wasn’t the same with old witches singing ballads about kelpies and bad love potions on a barely-functioning wireless. She preferred ABBA. She glanced at her finger, wondering if she’d ever stop cursing and rejoicing magic at the same time.

“You won’t be here for dinner then?” Her father asked as Lily brought him a mug of tea. 

“I suppose not,” she said, unable to think of any reason not to go. “If you think it’s a good idea.”

Her father placed a hand on her shoulder. It was large and covered it easily. Lily felt warmed after the chill of the rain outside.

“You’re a wonderful girl, Lily,” he said and kissed her head. “People will see that.”

She felt too good and too happy to tell him she thought he was wrong.


	2. Dinner Dates

Vernon pulled up at a quarter to eight and Petunia was already hurrying Lily out of the bathroom for a third “final touch”. She waited patiently in the living room, trying not to pull at her panty hose. Vernon tapped on his leg as if agitated to wait but as soon as Petunia appeared he stood with a smile as wide as his waistline. 

“All set, dearest?” he asked, patting his pockets down and casting a glance in the red head’s direction. 

“I suppose,” Petunia replied and moved her purse from one shoulder to another. There was a silence that lasted too long before she moved out the door leaving Vernon and Lily to follow.

The ride was silent and awkward. Lily wished someone would turn on the radio to fill the quiet but was not granted any blessings. She sat in the back of her sister’s fiance’s car, gripping the hem of her dress and wished she had her wand. It was in her purse but she didn’t dare pull it out. That would ruin everything.

She wondered what Severus was doing. Had he bought a book at the store and was now reading it cover to cover? Perhaps he was making his way through the sixth-year potions textbook like she was. Professor Slughorn had revealed the text to her after the OWLs and she had bought it just before boarding the Hogwarts Express home. 

She hadn’t gotten her test results back yet but she was good at Potions. If there was anything she could count on understanding, it was Potions. And when she didn’t understand Potions, she loved figuring it out. The way ingredients worked together in interesting, sometimes impossible ways, made her believe in magic. She was good at Charms but Potions was the puzzle she loved to tinker with.

Severus understood that. He had worked alongside her for all those years, tolerating her endless questions about ingredients - “Yes but how did they get the exploding fluid without it exploding?” - and helped her with the brewing. She knew he would rather practice his jinxes and curses for Defense homework but he had always stayed as long as she asked. Severus always preferred spellwork. He excelled at spells and even invented a few of his own. But he always made time for Lily’s own passion.

She frowned, realizing she no longer had a potions partner. Next year would be the first year without him meeting her in the library after classes or passing notes in the hallways. No more silent communications over the crowded tables in the Great Hall.

Those things had been declining anyway, she reasoned. He did not like spending time with her in the halls and had stopped meeting her eye after fourth year during meals. He only spoke to her when they were alone, when his gruesome friends were far, far away.

The car door slammed and Lily jumped. She looked up to see Petunia had already gotten out of the car and was fixing her dress on the curb. Lily quickly followed.

“Marge!” Vernon greeted loudly as a broad woman appeared from the crowd in front of the building. “You look marvelous!”

“It’s good to see you again,” Petunia said politely with a tight smile. 

Lily studied the woman who looked like Vernon with longer hair and a perm. The woman gave him a hug and barely nodded at Petunia before casting a cold glance towards Lily. Vernon cleared his throat.

“Margie,” he said, straightening. “This is Petunia’s sister.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Lily said, putting on a smile despite not actually having been introduced to whom she assumed was part of Vernon’s family. 

Marge gave a low “hmm” and turned back to her look-alike brother. “The reason you’re late, I’d guess. Well, come along. I suspect John’s already inside at our reservation.” She pushed past the crowd effortlessly and the group was forced to follow. Lily stuck close to her sister, feeling more like a six-year-old than sixteen. 

The restaurant was nice with tablecloths and suited waiters. Everyone dressed in some form of darker color that felt elegant and Lily suddenly felt entirely out of place. She’d taken her dress straight from the store display to be sure to be in-fashion but it seemed too loud here with it’s colorful print and knee-high boots. She loved the idea of color. The magical world felt so drab and dull with their muted colors all the time. She’d been excited to dress up and finally feel muggle and bright. But these people looked regal and fashionable and everything Lily Evans was not.

Just be normal, she told herself as she made her way to the table and tried not to laugh at herself. What was normal? She wasn’t normal in the witching world and she obviously wasn’t normal here in the muggle world either. Not anymore.

Petunia cleared her throat when Lily reached for a chair and nodded to the left, indicating the seat next to a boy already seated at the table. He didn’t stand to greet them but did look up at her with a smile that twisted at the end.

“Evening,” he said in a voice that sounded smooth and rehearsed. 

“Hullo,” Lily greeted, sitting. She straightened herself and looked at the place-settings. The glass of water in front of her. The empty wine glass she wished she could fill with a flick of a wrist. Stop being such a coward, she told herself. She wasn’t usually such a coward. She turned back to the stranger. “I’m Lily.”

“Beautiful,” he said with the same voice and smile.

“Oh,” Lily said. “I’m glad you like it. Some prefer tulips.”

This earned her a bigger grin. He turned in his chair towards her and rested an arm on the table. “I meant you’re beautiful.”

She smiled back at him in politeness. “Thank you.”

“Your week going well, John?” Vernon asked as he sat and pushed himself close to the table. 

“Yeah, alright,” John said, not taking his eyes off Lily. “A bit slow. The market down and all that.”

“The job market?” Lily asked. “I thought it was picking up.” That was what she heard, anyway. It was hard to keep track of both worlds at once sometimes. 

“That’s what they say,” John said with a wave of the wrist. “For years now, innit?”

“Vernon got a great review this term,” Petunia said in an overly-cheerful tone that told Lily she was uncomfortable. She looked over at her sister, wondering why. If they were still going to talk about jobs, why change the subject to Vernon? 

“Vernon’s always had a good head on his shoulders,” Marge said, flagging down a waiter with a harsh snapping. “Best marry him quick and pop out a little one to get a promotion out of the bosses.”

Petunia’s face went white while Lily coughed on the water she sipped. John didn’t seem offended and laughed loudly, drawing looks from nearby tables.

“Sherry,” Marge said when the waiter appeared. She returned to the conversation as if nothing had broken it or the shame of the guests. “They say kids are the key to promotions these days.”

Who says, Lily wondered but she kept her eyes on Petunia. “But I thought you didn’t want children,” she said and two sets of eyes snapped to her so quickly she thought she ought not have said anything. Vernon and Petunia both looked ready to maim. “I mean so soon,” she amended. “With your university classes still going on.”

Petunia’s color was back and her eyes were like daggers. Her smile was sharp. “That’s between my fiance and I, isn’t it?” she asked with a clipped tone.

This. This was why she hadn’t wanted to come. How was anything Lily said worse than the rudeness Marge was showing? And far be it from her to defend her decision. But of course the little sister was in the wrong. As always.

Lily wished she could aparate back home. She’d rather face a nest of grindylow then be stuck for the rest of dinner and their waiter hadn’t even taken orders yet. She focused on her menu and tuned out the conversation hoping to avoid any more confrontations with her sister. 

Fortunately, it was easy to ignore the conversation when she didn’t know what they were talking about the rest of dinner. Politics in the muggle world had changed greatly from Christmas time and Lily couldn’t keep up. She didn’t think she wanted to either with how Vernon was speaking of women’s rights. 

John seemed keen to stay quiet as well which left Marge and Vernon to talk with Petunia only supplying the correct encouragement to go on. Lily didn’t know how to feel about the man to her right. He was handsome enough, dark-haired with a smart suit but there was something off about his person she wasn’t sure she liked. 

Or maybe this Severus thing was getting to her.

“So Lily,” John began when the conversation dulled between forkfuls, “what do you do?”

Petunia visibly tensed. “She’s still in school,” she answered quickly before Lily could.

“Where at?” John asked. “Somewhere around here?”

“No,” Lily said. “Up north. A boarding school.” She met her sister’s steely glare with her own.

“Like St. George’s?” He took a bite of his food but kept his eyes on her. “I’ve a cousin there.”

“No,” she said. “But I’ve heard good things about St. George’s. Does she like it?”

“Very much. So where do you go?”

“It’s only a small school,” Petunia said, her voice rising in pitch. “I doubt you’ve heard of it.”

Lily forced a smile. “What about you, John? Are you in school?”

“I graduated two years ago,” he said, leaning back into his chair. 

Lily accommodated his opening to tell more. “No university?” She didn’t miss the tutting from her sister. 

“I don’t see the point,” he said. “They don’t ever teach you anything useful.” He rolled his eyes to emphasize his point.

“Oh,” Lily said dutifully and suppressed her own eye roll. She wondered where this fellow had come from and why he was with Vernon and Petunia. As far as Lily knew, both valued high education because it led to high-paying jobs. And as everyone who was anyone knew, money was the goal of all life.

“What do you study at school?” John asked.

“I need to powder my nose,” Petunia announced as she got to her feet. She stood there at the table a few moments before glaring. “Lily!”

The redhead looked up from skewing her vegetables with her knife in vengeance for goblins everywhere. “Oh! Right. Me, uhm, too.” She got up quickly and followed to the very back of the restaurant, thankful for the reprieve. Until, of course, they were alone. 

Petunia pulled lipstick from her purse and began applying it in the mirror while Lily stood awkwardly back.

“How do you like John?” Petunia asked suddenly. Lily looked up from the fake flowers lining the sink. 

“What?” she asked.

“Vernon is optimistic about getting him a position,” she continued. “And his family is very well off.”

Oh well, that explained what he was doing here, Lily thought. 

“He’s nice,” Lily offered, pulling her hands behind her back and leaning against the wall. “Friendly.” 

“He seems to like you.” When Lily looked up, her sister was studying her again like that morning. “It’s a smart match.”

Wait, what?

“Is this a hook-up?” Lily asked, drawing herself back up.

“Honestly,” Petunia said as if dealing with a child. Lily worried for her sister’s offspring with that little patience. “You have to start thinking of these things.”

“What things?” Lily asked. “I’m sixteen and we’re not in an Austen novel.”

Petunia carefully put her lipstick back into her purse and closed it and set it on the counter. She cast a glance behind Lily to make sure of the empty washroom before squaring her shoulders to deliver what Lily was sure to be a well-rehearsed speech.

“You have been going to that /school/ for long enough,” she said. “Why mum and dad have allowed it, I’ll never understand but it’s time for you to be realistic. You need to start thinking about the real world, Lily. I was eighteen when I met Vernon. And you’ll never be able to meet a good one if you’ve no education. You’ll never have a future beyond that if you’ve no prospects.”

Lily’s head spun with the amount of points to counter-argue. 

“Where is this even coming from?” she asked, finding it the only thing capable of coming out of her mouth at the moment.

“You’re growing up,” her sister said, “you see how useless magic tricks are in the real world. You must or you wouldn’t be ignoring your freakish friends or that awful boy that used to crawl around all summer long.”

A shudder ran down Lily’s spine as she realized exact what was happening. Petunia was trying to connect with her but only because she thought Lily was growing out of magic. Worse, she believed magic was something she /could/ grow out of. She was setting her up on this… date? It was all a test to mold her into a good little muggle Petunia had always wanted.

“Petunia,” Lily said, “I’m not giving up magic. I’m not leaving Hogwarts.”

Her sister’s face flashed red as she crossed her arms. “And what are you planning to do?” she asked, suddenly harsh. “Be children’s entertainment? Work on the street?”

“There are jobs and careers. It’s an entire world!” Lily didn’t realize how loud her voice had risen until Petunia shushed her. “The people live just like you do and think you’re the strange ones.”

“You’re being childish,” she said. “And stupid. You need to wake up and move on to real things! A job or a family. A husband and child.”

“I don’t /want/ your life, Petunia.”

The moment stretched on between them as the sisters came to a sad understanding. 

“Fine,” Petunia said. She turned and left.


	3. The Unwanted Scroll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a terrible dinner with her sister, Lily just wants to get back to the wizarding world. Letters fly between friends as the school year looms closer. But is the wizarding world ready to get this witch back?

The morning after the awful dinner began with Archimedes tapping on the window. Lily peeked through her hair to find Petunia’s bed already vacated and felt safe to let her owl in.

“About time,” she said. “I missed you.” Archi landed on the desk with a stumble and hooted softly. She looked tired and worse for wear with feathers out of place. There hadn’t been a storm and Archi had always been good about taking cover. 

“You’re hurt,” Lily said, examining her owl’s wing. “Don’t tell me someone tried to bully you?”

Archimedes hooted again softly and picked at the scroll wrapped to her leg. That, too, was strange. Mary always sent letters. She didn’t know anyone that just sent scrolls. Lily worked carefully so as not to hurt her already exhausted owl, snipping the scroll free.

“Come on,” she told Archi, “you can sleep here today. Just nestle in the bed.” Archi seemed relieved and immediately hopped to the covers, burrowing in.

Lily turned her attention back to the scroll. Without a seal or outer markings, there was no way to tell who it was from. She unrolled it curiously.

  
  


_ Don’t come back, mudblood _

  
  


It was written in red ink. Lily dropped the scroll as it started to burn and burst into flames, singeing her fingers. It left behind a dark red stain on the tips of them where she had held it.

Lily immediately stood, staring at the ashes. She thought about doing a spell to identify the potion residue but she doubted she could find anything that would pinpoint who sent it. It could’ve been a delayed charm? She knew about them but not the specifics like if they were capable of being applied to paper and activated like that. Most likely it was a curse but what kind? The ministry might’ve been able to if the evidence hadn’t just disappeared.

She pulled out a piece of parchment and quickly composed a letter.   
  


 

_ Department of Magical Law Enforcement _

_ I, Lily Evans, have just received a scroll with a threatening message. It was received via my owl who seems to have been intercepted coming from a friend. She appears hurt and forced to carry the message. _

_ The scroll read “Don’t come back, mudblood” in red ink before bursting into flames. Enclosed are the ashes of said scroll. I can only assume it is a threat of returning to school. _

_ Please let me know if there is anything else you need from me. Thank you for your time and effort. _   
  


_ Sincerely, _

_ Lily Evans _

  
  
  


She quickly sealed the envelope but upon seeing Archi still sleeping in her bed, thought better of sending her hurt owl. 

“Godric,” she called, heading to the kitchen.

The majestic eagle owl was perched on the sink and hadn’t let anyone use the faucet all morning. He turned it’s eyes on the red head with what Lily could only see to be disdain. 

“If I give you this letter, will you deliver it to the ministry?”

She hadn’t expected a response but when she reached for him, he went for her fingers.

“Hey!” she yelped. “This is important!”

He glared at her. 

“Are you really not going to take it?”

Glare.

“Not until I respond to Potter?”

Godric gave a shrill squawk. She was really beginning to hate him. 

“Alright!” She marched to the rubbish bin and fished out Potter’s letter and envelop. She stuffed the letter back inside and crossed out “Lily Evans” and wrote “J. Potter” on it. She even added a piece of tape for good measure.

“There,” she said, turning back to Godric with the letter. “Take this one to Potter and this one to the ministry, if you would be so kind.”

Godric took the letters almost eagerly, as if getting out of her house was his greatest ambition. Lily gave him two treats and opened the window, glad he had a clear day to fly. He might even make good time if the bird was feeling generous. 

Lily looked down at her fingers, frowning at the raw, red marks left behind. They still stung.

“Who are you talking to so early in the morning?” her mother asked, coming in from the garden. She pulled off her dirty gloves and ran the faucet. “Oh good, you got rid of the owl. I was beginning to wonder if we had to start using the hose for water.”

“Sorry about that,” Lily said. “The owner tricked me.”

Her mother smiled as she washed. “So, who was it?”

“Oh,” Lily said. “No one important. Just someone from school.” She sat at the table and picked up the prophet from the day before, despite already reading it. 

“How’s Mary?” 

“Good,” Lily said but she realized that Mary’s response had been lost. Suddenly she was worried. Mary was muggleborn too. If Lily received a threatening message, Mary must have too. And her owl came from Mary’s. Maybe she should’ve sent Godric to Mary’s.

“How was dinner?” her mother asked, sitting down at the table while the kettle warmed. “You two got in late.” Her green eyes looked hopeful but sixteen years had worn her down the reality of her daughters. It was the only reason Lily didn’t bother lying. 

“Poorly.” She sighed. “I think Petunia was expecting something I couldn’t give her.”

Her mother nodded as if expecting this. Why? Why did she understand the situation that Lily found so confusing?

“Why did you let me go to Hogwarts?” Lily asked.

A smile played on her mother’s lips and she knew a joke wanted to answer but it must’ve been the look on her daughter’s face that brought the truth to Mrs. Evans’s answer. 

“Because you’re special, Lily,” she said. “You have a gift that deserves to develop. Like my garden, you needed to be able to grow.”

Lily rolled her eyes at the flower motif but smiled. “But it… Do you think I’ve left you all? Petunia thinks I’m not living in the real world. I can’t explain it to her but do you,” Lily struggled to find the words, “do you think I’ve made the right choices?”

Mrs. Evans reached for her daughter’s hand and patted it gently. “Lily, sending you to Hogwarts was the choice your father and I made. Our choice. And we are very grateful for making it. For you, I think the important choices are still coming,” she said with a smile. “And when they do, you need to do what’s in your heart and not what will make you liked. It’s the only way you’ll be happy.”

“That’s not an answer, Mum.” Lily stared at the moving pictures of the paper.  Her mother laughed, earning a scowl from her daughter. 

“For what it’s worth, I think it’ll be the right choice,” her mother consoled, then got up to get the tea.

Lily left her mother to her tea and decided to return to potion brewing. The day was overcast but dry and she took her textbook and cauldron outside in the garden. Mrs. Evans had worked tirelessly all year long to keep up with the beautiful sanctuary behind the small Evans house and there was nothing more peaceful than spending the day of rare sunlight in the company of colorful flowers.

She flipped to the last page she had marked, looking through the brewing instructions. Sixth year appeared to be a lot more intense with longer stirring times and more complicated concoctions. She already spotted a few techniques from previous years that she could supplement though and quickly wrote them in. 

She wondered why Slughorn never taught them reading full potion instructions first was the most important part of brewing. They didn’t say it anywhere in the books either and if Lily hadn’t read it in an article from Brewing Monthly last year, she’d never know it wasn’t common practice. No wonder so many cauldrons seemed to melt in class. 

She searched her kit, seeing what ingredients she had and cross-referencing them with the list in her book. She had only been able to make four drafts so far this summer, mostly for her own gain. Calming and sleeping drafts came in handy when stress and prefect duties kept her up so she liked having them on hand instead of bugging Madam Pomfrey. But this elixir looked promising. Life-extension for common pets. She had the ingredients and it would be nice to have if she ever got a pet she wanted to keep. It must be the same potion they gave to delivery owls for greater lifespans. Archimedes certainly outlived the common lifespan of a common barn owl.

She set out the ingredients carefully and set the flame. Soon there was a rhythm to her work as she hummed to herself and her mind cleared of everything bothering her. Potions required concentration and that meant there was no room for uncertainty. Lily Evans knew she was unstoppable when she was certain.

She didn’t stop until she heard the loud beating of wings and Godric landed on the table, nearly knocking over the simmering cauldron. The sky was turning orange with dusk and the wind carried a chill on it that wasn’t there a moment ago.

“Back so soon?” she asked, spotting the letter the owl carried. She double-checked the potion instructions before taking a break and reaching for the letter.

  
  
  


_ Dearest Lily, _

_ That was funny, sending me my own letter back. Very clever. I can take a hint, you don’t want to talk to me. But I want to talk to you. So allow me to tell you about my summer. _

_ Sirius has moved in. It’s been brilliant to have him around, as I’m sure you can imagine. I’ve made up several Quidditch plays you’ll be pleased to see this season as well. They’re sure to win us the cup.  _

_ What was that letter you sent on to the ministry and why are you using my bird to send your mail? I think I deserve a request for something like that or I feel my owl has been kidnapped. I question his loyalty now. Perhaps I should take it hostage until I get a proper offer?  _

_ You do know you can contact me if you’re in trouble, I hope. Not that I expect you’re in trouble, being perfect Miss Prefect Evans. But I am quite a Knight in Shining Armor if needed.  _

_ Always yours, _

_ James _

  
  
  


There was no mention of needed a reply so Lily fetched a few treats and parchment. She wrote Mary before offering Godric his payment.

“Take this to Mary Mcdonald, please?” she asked. Godric allowed her to tie the letter on and flew off without problem. She smiled, hoping Potter missed his proud owl. How easily both bent to her wiles.

She laughed at herself and went back to her potion, finishing just before she could barely see in the darkness. Stretching, she felt the effects of a day well-spent. She even felt better about Petunia. If she didn’t understand that Lily was /good/ at magic, there was nothing she could do about it.

 

**

 

_ Lily, _

_ That sounds awful!  Everything is fine at my end, I never got your letter. Could it be a joke? You know how stupid some of our classmates are and after the scene at the lake I wouldn’t put it past someone to jest about it. Especially Snape’s friends. Mulciber would send a letter like that, though he’d probably line it in bubotuber pus.  _

_ I’m so nervous about my OWL scores. I’m sure I’ve failed HoM and probably T.Fig and Potions too. How am I supposed to get a ministry job if I can’t get into McGonagall's class? I wish the owls would arrive and put me out of my misery. I swear I’ve worn out my Bowie record trying to cope. _

_ How goes fending off the advances of James Potter? Is he still sending you letters? Have you responded? You have to talk to him eventually, especially if he’s apologized. He didn’t say the word, Lily. You can’t blame him for what Severus does.  _

_ Please write me back soon. We’re two letters behind and maybe I should get your number in case we need to contact each other. I’m sure everything’s alright but you’ve got me worried now.  _

_ XOXOX _

_ Mary _

  
  
  


Lily crafted a response to Mary’s letter after lunch and sent Archi on her way with a protective rune written on the parchment. She hoped it was enough to keep her from being intercepted. She almost hadn’t sent it at all but the barn owl seemed well-rested after a small dose of healing tonic. 

Suddenly, summer seemed like a prison trapping her in a world she wasn’t equipped for. The Witching World had answers and she was stuck in a muggle neighborhood, miles away from the closest magical person she could ask. 

Except for a certain someone. 

Godric returned with another letter from Potter wondering why she felt entitled to use his owl without responding to him and demanded compensation. The bird sat patiently, awaiting his prize.

She thought about keeping him a few days but Petunia would have a fit. She already took the “silent treatment” to the next level of aggression. When sharing a room, slamming drawers at dawn was akin to bombshells going off. Lily took to keeping pillows over her head and praying Petunia woke too late for work to think of doing anything more.

“Fancy seeing Black then?” she asked. She supposed it would be enough of a snub not to return a letter to Potter.   
  
  


_ Sirius, _

_ If Potter is still driving you mad perhaps tell him that when a woman doesn’t return a letter it means she’s not interested. Even you should be able to understand that.  _

_ Why are you living with him anyway? I suppose it was only a matter of time before you two admitted your love but it seems a bit fast, yeah? I am also not interested in the free love movement so if that’s what you two are offering, it’s not going to work. _

_ Also, do not think this means I’ve forgiven you for last term. What you did was vile and I still very much hate you for it but James will be cross you receive a letter instead of him. I can only hope it will spearhead the break-up of your unfortunate friendship and leave the Gryffindor tower in peace.  _

_ Have a good summer, _

_ Lily _

  
  


Godric took off with several treats and Lily went back to her studies with a smile. Her mum called her for supper and she bookmarked the spellbook to review before bed. 

“Alright, sweetheart?” Mrs. Evans asked when Lily slipped into the dining room. “You look a bit peaky.”

“Do I?” Lily asked. “I feel well. Just famished.”

Petunia said nothing as she sat down and their father began passing the casserole.

“Getting a lot of letters lately,” he said. “I knew you were popular but there seems to be a lot of chatter for school only just finishing.”

Lily rolled her eyes as she passed the food to Petunia. “It’s been a five weeks, dad. And everyone is nervous about their OWL exams,” she said by way of omission. “We’re all really anxious to see how well we’ve done.”

“Do you have long to wait?” her mum asked. “You’ve been studying awfully hard.”

“I don’t think so,” she said. “And I’m not really studying. Just… tinkering. I want to be prepared.”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine,” her dad said. “Petunia did well on all her exams, you’ll do the same.”

Lily gave him a smile as an owl swooped in from the window and landed on the kitchen counter. Petunia huffed and stood before throwing her napkin down.

“Can we go one meal without vermin contaminating everything?” she asked and stalked off back down the hall toward the bedroom.

“Sorry,” Lily said, jumping up when she recognized the ministry seal on the envelope. She tore it open quickly while her parents watched her.

  
  


_ To Miss Lily Evans _   
  


_ The Department of Magical Law Enforcement received your letter and has determined there is no immediate danger to you or any other student currently enrolled in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  _

_ We at the ministry hold all magical users in equal regard and believe every witch and wizard has the right of education. _

_ Please contact us if you have any other questions or concerns but direct them to the information desk, as the DMLE cannot be held responsible for every hurt owl found.  _   
  


_ Sincerely, _   
  


_ Bartemius Crouch _

_ Department of Magical Law Enforcement _

  
  
  


“Everything alright then?” her father asked when Lily had been silent for too many minutes.

“Hm? Oh yeah.” She folded the letter up and tucked it into her pocket. The owl had already vanished and she claimed her seat at the table once more. 

“It was from the Ministry, wasn’t it?” her mother asked, catching her daughter’s eye. “Is it about the disappearances they’re reporting in the paper?”

Lily knew better to lie to her mother. It was hard to keep up with news in both worlds but somehow Rose Evans managed to keep tabs on Lily’s magical life. 

“Sort of,” Lily admitted. “I got an odd note and asked the ministry to look into it. They say it’s nothing, though.”

“What sort of note?” her father asked. “It wasn’t a threat was it?”

“No,” Lily said. Her mother looked at her crossly. “It wasn’t. It was just a slur. Mary thinks it’s kids playing jokes and I think she’s right.”

“Why would kids joke about a slur?” her mother asked. She knew about the blood purity in the magical world. Lily had explained it when the article had come out in the Prophet. She knew what a mudblood was and agreed with her daughter to ignore it.

“Something happened at school,” Lily explained but it only seemed to make it worse. “Not like that, Sev- … Some kids were bullying Severus and some things were said and it came out and everyone thought it was funny.”

“That’s awful,” her mother said. “Severus said that?” Lily wondered how she had guessed. She hadn't said anything like that but her mum seemed to know.

“Sounds like kids,” her father said and took another bite of food. He received a nasty look from his wife. “They don’t know, honey. They think anything’s funny if it goes against the rules.”

Lily had to agree with that but her mother was not so forgiving. She gave a sigh. “Is that why we haven’t seen him around?” she asked softly. Rose Evans always had a soft spot for Severus. She had seen behind the rough edges of the boy and could guessed his homelife. Lily wouldn’t betray Sev’s trust, though. She wondered now if she should have. 

“I’m not speaking to him,” she admitted. “We haven’t truly been friends for a while.” She moved her food from one side of the plate to the other.

“Sometimes that happens,” her mother said, placing a gentle hand on her arm and gave her an encouraging smile.

“It’s not fair,” Lily said. “We’ve been friends for years. He’s supposed to stay my friend, not just… become someone else.”

Her father laughed but then apparently decided this was not a conversation he was willing to be apart of. He quickly quieted with a glare from his wife.

“Other people have the right to change, Lily,” Rose Evans said. “Just like you do.”

It still wasn’t fair, Lily thought. Severus showed her the magical world and gave her promises. He wasn’t keeping them. Asking forgiveness wasn’t fair either. He was the one going off and becoming different. He was the one changing. She wasn’t. Lily Evans was the same girl she had been every year. Maybe more informed and a great deal better at Charms than anyone at Hogwarts but still...Lily.

Who was Severus Snape now? A dark magic artist and prejudiced git. Right. No forgiving that.

Lily rolled over in her bed come nightfall, rethinking the scene by the lake. She wished she could just get over it, wished it didn’t mean so much. Maybe it didn’t. Maybe it was just “kids being kids”. 

So why did it feel so important. She couldn’t remember ever being so angry before. James Potter had been so utterly and completely heartless and Severus… Severus had called her a mudblood. A term that meant she was nothing in the magical world. 

Both parties were guilty, she realized. And she didn’t understand how to handle being angry at both sides.

She rolled onto her back. She was angry at herself for not cursing Potter and Black. She should’ve acted sooner. Rules or not, she should’ve /done/ something. Right? Was that the solution?

It felt like there was no right solution but that couldn't be true. Every event had a solution. Every transfiguration problem had a spell and every potion had an antidote. 

She would solve this. Come time to return to Hogwarts, she would find this solution.


	4. A Set of Prying Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone needs supplies before school. Everyone. Time for some pre-class drama. It's also extremely apparent I don't know how to raise owls so let's just all pretend.

**Chapter Four: A Set of Prying Eyes**

 

_Evans-_

_James and I are closer than you can ever dream to be so your little letter trick is amusing but futile. I will give you points as it is far more devious than I thought you capable of._

_If you hate me so much, why do you feel the right to ask me such personal questions about where I’m living and what my love life is all about? You must mistake me for James sometimes because I’ve never asked for your forgiveness nor do I apologize giving Snivilius exactly what he deserved, especially if he’s been harboring blood hate all this time. Not that I’m surprised._

_And while I’ve not asked for it, you seem to forgiven me enough to write to me and not a certain Potter. Interesting. It’s a tip I’ve passed along to James but I doubt he’ll take the hint. You’ve utterly perplexed him and he is not very fun to be around when perplexed. He has an annoying habit of obsessing over anything that doesn’t come naturally to him, the git._

_Unless this has been your plan to ruin my summer all along. In which case, well done. Now stop it and return his bloody bird._

_-Black_

 

Godric pecked the breadbox impatiently as Lily finished reading the letter from Sirius. As the weeks passed, Godric had become a companion for Archi and would stay for days in search of work for Lily so he could receive payment in muggle owl treats.

It had been three weeks since Archi’s accident and the barn owl was a little more reserved to deliver letters too far away from the house so Lily was happy to send Godric instead. Mary loved to tease about how beautiful Potter’s bird was and kept tempting them to talk but James had finally taken a hint and stopped sending letters. Why or how Godric kept showing up at the Evans house, Lily wasn’t sure.

“Alright, alright,” Lily said. “Mum, could you give him a treat?” Rose gave a small laugh and opened the breadbox. The owl ducked its head in and took a treat through the opening of the bag. Both women exchanged an amused look.

“Does the young man ever feed his bird?” Mrs. Evans asked.

“I think our treats are different,” Lily said. “Muggles make food differently, some stuff tastes different. Maybe Godric just likes the muggle stuff more.”

“Wouldn’t that be funny,” her mother mused, closing the breadbox before the owl could gorge himself on more. Godric appeared to huff, shuffle his feet and then took off out the window.

“Mary wanted to go into Diagon Alley today,” Lily said. “Since we’ve both received our results back.”

Mrs. Evans cast a loving look at the fridge where she had hung Lily’s OWL results. She had passed them all, with three O’s in Charms, Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts and E’s in everything else. It was better than even Lily had expected and she was excited to see what next year had in store. 

“Just you two?” her mother asked. “I’d feel better if there were more of your friends going.” She didn’t have to say because both of them were muggle-born.

“We want to meet Alice for lunch since she’s still in her internship,” Lily said, “but Mary was going to try to get Marlene and Emmeline to join us. Though Em might still be in France. And you know we usually run into friends there.”

Her mother was quiet as she continued cutting fruit and Lily worried she had told her mother too much about her world. 

“So you’ll be gone for dinner?” Mrs. Evans finally asked. 

“Oh, I’m not sure. I wouldn’t worry about me, though. I can take care of myself.” Lily grinned. 

“Mrs. McDonnald taking you then?” 

“Yeah, I’m supposed to call when I’m ready.”

Her mother nodded and gave Lily a smile. “Have fun and be careful. And try not to buy too many quills this year. You always write home for pens a month in.”

Lily smiled guiltily at her mother before hoping off her stool and heading to her room to change. 

**

Diagon Alley was the sort of chaos Lily Evan could fall in love with. On the surface of it all, there was nothing actually extraordinary about the shopping center. Shops lined the streets and people wandered from store to store. Kids ran through spaces too small and knocked into each other, laughing as they raced to the joke shop or the candy shop or out of their mother’s reach. All in all, Diagon Alley was just like every other busy shopping street Lily could find in London or back home.

But it wasn’t. Stores restocked their shelves and owls screeched as they swooped into window to deliver mail all the while goblins and witches filed through the cobblestone streets with packages that Lily stopped guessing and just imagined their contents. It was loud and the smells were foreign and everyone was dressed like no one could find the right play. 

Lily loved all the different ways chaos seemed to make up something so very normal in Diagon Alley. To her, this was what magic was. Here, and at Hogwarts, she understood this to be her future. This was the life magic promised her. Not so different from what she had always grown up knowing, but maybe something… more. 

“Such a strange place,” Mrs. McDonnald said in a happy but soft tone as she watched the cloaked figures pass. Lily smiled back at the dreamlike expression set-upon the older woman’s face. “Well, I’ll be running around London so please be done by seven.”

She gave her daughter an awkward pat on the shoulder, unsure if it was still alright to hug a 16-year-old and journeyed back towards Tom’s bar. She stood out easily in her floral dress among the dark cloaks and Lily suddenly felt a surge of worry.

“Come on!” Mary said. She wrapped a hand around Lily’s arm and pulled her towards Flourish and Burkes. The worry was left behind in the crowded streets. 

The last week of July was always popular for students. It was the weekend after OWL scores and most witches got muggle-sick by then. This unsaid communication meant most Hogwarts students tried to hit up the Alley to see classmates and catch up on summer gossip. Mary was no different.

Before they reached the ink store, Mary and Lily stopped three times to chat with fellow Muggleborns unable to communicate via owl. Some couldn’t afford it and some preferred the vacation from magic but Lily found it fun to see them again.

“I made Prefect!” Eliza Correia exclaimed from across the street as soon as she spotted the redhead. Lily turned and found the girl rushing towards them, waving her badge. “Prefect!”

“Congratulations!” Lily exclaimed as the younger girl launched herself into her arms. She laughed at the energy that came from happiness. 

“As if you had much doubt,” Mary said, “you only have the best mentor in school.”

Lily rolled her eyes but Eliza was already nodding. “I was nervous but then I saw the letter and it was bigger than normal so I knew. I knew it and I can’t believe it! I mean, I can because I do because I am but I’m so thrilled!”

“Thrilled,” Mary echoed. 

“You deserve it,” Lily said, “and I’m really excited to work with you this year. Have you heard who else received badges?”

Eliza shook her head but rattled off predictions anyway. “Probably Sharon Stone and Patricia Marshes. Or maybe Bridget Bogush. Antony Westfall was bragging about something during his party last weekend but I wasn’t there and Molly didn’t give me specifics.”

“We’re all doomed if he gets a badge,” Mary said.

“I can think of worse,” Lily mumbled. She could make a list in under twenty seconds.

“The Marauders?” Eliza asked.

Lily started. No, the Marauders were NOT who she was thinking of. Most of her list included Slytherin Death-Eater wannabes that would use the power as an excuse to bully more underclassmen but the combination of Potter and Black with power did set her mind on edge.

“Why do you say that?” she asked, not wanting to imagine that dystopia. 

“Because of that huge fight,” Eliza said. She swept her hair back over her shoulder but the wind pushed it over once more. “Between them and the Slytherins and the Squid.”

Mary began to laugh but Lily had to blink to make sure Eliza was being serious. “Is that what the story’s turned into? It was Potter, Black and Severus, that’s it!”

“Bridget Bogush said it was a pack of Slytherins getting beaten up by Black and Potter and you stopped it and they got mad so you cursed them into the lake.” The looks on Lily’s face must have told Eliza this was wrong because then she said, “but you aren’t talking to them.” Eliza pressed further. “I mean, that’s what Black was saying at Westfall’s party. So are you dating Snape?”

“Eliza,” Mary said, “remember to think before asking stupid questions.”

Eliza said “oh” but Lily was already exhausted and looking for an escape. If Eliza was asking about her dating Severus then the school was saying that and she did not want to address that cold hard falsehood with the colder, harder truth. Everyone would be celebrating the fact that Lily was no longer talking to her best friend and it was not something Lily thought should be celebrated.

“Ice cream,” she said and made a beeline for Florean Fortescue’s, leaving the two girls behind.

It was a hot day but still early so the shoppe was not as crowded as it would be in an hour after regular meal time. Apparently Mary had taken Lily’s absence as an opportunity to get more from Eliza because Lily was left alone to eat her chocolate dessert. She wished it was something not so sweet with actual nutrition.

She hadn’t meant to be eating alone. Really Mary, Lily thought, you could come check on me. 

Not that Lily felt that badly about what was said. It was a perfectly acceptable question wasn’t it? Severus could’ve been dating her. They’re relationship was not very public, especially with last year. So anyone that saw anything could remember it romantically. Maybe. 

These were all excuses, Lily realized dully. Excuses for why Severus had been closer to her than others. The other houses of Hogwarts could make up all they wanted about why a Slytherin and a Gryffindor got along. She didn’t feel better.

She heard the bell sound as two voices pushed through into the empty shop.

“-to calm down, it’s not worth it,” a very familiar voice was saying. Too familiar. Lily’s head shot up. Oh no.

Sirius Black pulled away from his friend and sank into a seat leaving a particular James Potter standing in the doorway. The door shut with another small bell ring.

“Just leave it,” Black said, his voice like burning coals. His actions were loud and screaming for attention as he crossed his arms and threw his feet up onto a chair across from him making him scratch against the floor.

“Sirius, mate,” James was already saying. His hand was in his hair like normal but with less pomp and more tension than Lily ever knew the boy to show.

Normally the Hogwarts uniform hung off James perfectly despite his attempts to sully it with unkempt ties and wrinkled robes and he never wore his hat which landed him in more trouble than any of his pranks ever did. In the freedom of summer, however, he wore simple robes of light blue that contrasted his tanned skin starkly and set off the shocking darkness of his messy hair. It didn't look nearly as messy as he usually made it appear in school, confirming Lily's long-time suspicions.

His eyes were concentrated on his best friend, brows knit in worry behind solid black frames. 

Sirius, for his part, looked like Sirius. Black hair pulled back into a ponytail and dark robes made him hardly different than the school version of himself. Only now he looked sullen and grumpy, like he wanted to hex or curse anyone he set eyes upon.

“Red,” Sirius said. His eyes caught Lily staring. 

James turned, his tanned face frustrated and then shocked. “L-Lil- Evans!” He smiled brightly but it dimmed as if remembering who he was talking to.

Lily waved her spoon, trapped.

“What’ll you have, boys?” Florean Fortescue asked, coming out of the back. A trail of nuts floated behind him at head level, pulling their own shells off. He smiled brightly at the three youths.

“Nothing,” Sirius barked at the same time James tried getting out “We’re fine, thank you.”

Florean didn’t seem phased. “Let me know when you make up your mind,” he said and returned to the back, nuts following.

“It’s funny,” Black said after a minute of silence sucked the air from the room, “that she doesn’t speak even when we’re right here.”

James scowled down at the floor as he took a seat.

“I,” Lily began, but wasn’t sure what she started to say. Yes, there was always the chance of running into them at Diagon Alley but she never thought she’d be so cornered. She thought she had more time to figure everything out. She clutched her ice cream tighter.

Sirius’s eyebrows raised but when Lily didn’t go on, they lowered in expectation. “Right. Too good for you, James. Too good for anyone.”

“Sirius,” James said but his tone wasn’t amused or scolding. Tired or maybe routine, like this was a conversation they performed daily.

Lily rose to her feet, tossing the rest of her ice cream in the rubbish bin. She made her way to the door. This wasn’t going to solve anything. Get out, get away, solve it later.

James stood. “Lily-”

Mary opened the door. “Sorry, Eliza had this amazing story about a griffin in Germany? Or maybe it was the German Griffins quidditch team, anyway, then I saw these stormtroopers come in and figured you might want backup.”

Sirius said, “Bloody oh and seven!” with the disgust of a failed fan.

James said, “Stormtroopers?” with the confusion of a wizard pronouncing muggle words.

Lily tried to smile because that’s how peace was supposed to be kept, wasn’t it? “We’re fine. Let’s go.”

“Wait, Lily,” James said and he grabbed her arm as she pushed through the door.

“What?” she asked. It came out harsher than intended. 

“We obviously need to talk,” he said, his voice losing its gentle tone.

“She doesn’t want to talk to you,” Eliza said from the other side of the door, in the street. Lily hadn't realized she'd followed Mary. Maybe she wanted to see blood. Or another lake incident. “And maybe don’t touch her?”

“I’m not doing anything,” James said, misunderstanding, “and this is between Lily and I.”

“I’d let this one slide, Captain,” Mary said, trying to pull Lily free. “She’s not really in the mood to talk about the whole Lake thing.”

“Maybe I am,” James said, glaring at her. “And since my owl has been napped, I don’t see another time to resolve this.”

“I didn’t steal your owl,” Lily said. She knew focusing on the wrong thing wouldn't solve the issue but it was a magnificent distraction. “He likes me better. And please let me go, Potter. Mary’s right, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“That sounds fair,” Sirius said from somewhere behind her.

Lily pushed past into the streets hoping the boy would lose his nerve. But this was James Potter and Lily Evans should’ve known better. She did know better but Lily Evans was full of too much hope sometimes.

“I apologized!” he said, trailing after her. “I don’t even know what for, I didn’t call you any slur and yet you’re still taking his side? That’s cold, Evans.”

Lily spun. 

“That’s not what this is about,” she said, feeling the words take shape and escape before she could hold them back. “You, both of you, all of you, think this is about right and wrong but you’re all wrong!”

James released the arm he seized and looked back at her in surprised confusion.

“You and Black think you’re better than them because you don’t think of me like that, you think it’s alright to go about bullying other people who don’t think like you do well guess what? That’s what /they/ do. You both hate each other thinking you’re on opposite sides but you’re really all the same!”

The hazel in James’s eyes was hidden by the bright sunlight reflecting off his glasses.

“I’m not like them,” James said with the first anger ever directed at Lily.

“You think you can force people to see your way,” Lily said. “You think if you torment Sev-” she flinched at herself, “Snape enough, he’ll stop thinking I’m anything less than what I am. But they never will. You can’t change their minds through force and I won’t support bullies.”  
James stood quietly for a long moment.

“Merlin,” Mary said, reminding them both of the audience to the fight. 

“Alright Evans,” Potter finally said. He stuffed his hands into his cloak pockets and turned back to Sirius.

“Told you it’d be like facing a Boggart,” Black said as they walked away into the crowd towards the quidditch store. Lily stared until the messy hair disappeared inside the store.

“I didn’t know you hated them that much,” Eliza said. “I mean, I know you guys bickered but I thought it was like, the fun kind.”

“I don’t,” Lily said. I don’t hate them. She followed Mary back to the bookstore but felt unease settle into her shoulders. Not over what she said. But something else. She looked over her shoulder.

For the most part, the exchange had been greatly ignored thanks to the bend of the alleyway but Lily found eyes watching her now. One pair belonged to a dark-cloaked Slytherin. She swallowed and suddenly went cold. 

How much had he heard? When did he get there? Was he planning on talking to her too? Lily didn’t expect to feel so paralyzed by Severus’s gaze but then they looked over to another boy who seemed to be watching her. 

This boy was younger but had the same beautiful, wavy hair as Sirius and was staring at her as an older man and woman talked to a platinum blonde couple. His stare was just as intense as Black’s and Lily realized it was his younger brother. 

Severus turned back to her and began to make his way for her but she shook her head. He looked sad, she thought, but then his face contorted in anger. Maybe she imagined the pain, her own projecting into him. How she wished him to feel.

“Come on, Lily!” Mary called.


	5. An Unwelcomed Feast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Train rides and bad decisions.

**Chapter Five: Unwelcoming Feast**

Rain streaked the windows as the Hogwarts Express jostled its way down the tracks towards school on the first of September. The corridors were annoyingly crowded even after the prefect meeting and it felt more and more like the year wanted to wash everything away with terrible weather.

For one thing, the Slytherin prefects turned out to be the Carrow Twins who had a knack for never following orders for anyone outside of their house. They spent the whole meeting whispering to each other over Docas Meadows and glaring at the Gryffindors. 

For another, there seemed to be a newly revised version of the Lake Incident going around that now included Lily hexing Potter at Diagon Alley and turning him into a squid. Lily had received twelve “good job!”s, ten scowls and one “so are you into marine life?” Ravenclaws could be so weird sometimes.

To top it off, Remus Lupin walked next to her to the back carriages.

“Did you have a good summer?” he asked politely. 

Lily squeezed past a group of giggling second years. “You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to,” she said. “I’d understand.”

He raised his eyebrows at her from over the heads of the younger students. “Why would you say that?”

She shrugged. “Friends and loyalty, I suppose,” she said. “The rumors about how I bit Potter’s head off seems to paint me a villain to your group.”

Remus nodded in understanding but continued walking next to her. “James told me about that.”

“Was it as bad as the rumors?” she asked.

Remus seemed to contemplate the comparison. “Might be worse, coming from James. He’s got a lot of pride, you know.” He turned his eyes to her and she felt pierced. 

Remus Lupin was not a good prefect, a fact she would never tell him to his face or to anyone who brought it up. In fact, she had always denied his favoritism of his friends to professors and classmates alike for the mere fact that Remus didn't seem to have anyone but his friends and at least he understood how to stick by them. 

This made Lily question her own prefect merits but her school duties didn't sink so deep that she couldn't make exceptions. 

Remus, for his part, never judged her for her friendship with Severus like the rest of Gryffindor tower did. Lily knew what they said about her behind her back and the worse things they mentioned to her face about it. Remus never commented but not in a silent judgement way. He had the eyes of a loving friend even if you didn't know him and it took Lily years to know him. She still didn't know why he always had scratches and cuts on his face or the exact disease his mother had. But, because it was Remus, it didn't really matter.

“I didn’t mean to do it like that,” she said. “It wasn’t fair to do it in public.”

He paused to let the food cart pass. They waited to pass into the next carriage. “So why did you? Why didn’t you respond to his letters?”

Lily met his gaze. “He deserved to hear it from me directly. I don’t take back what I said. It’s what I meant.”

He smiled a small, understanding smile. Remus didn’t give anything but understanding smiles. “You shouldn’t. They needed to hear it.”

“Really?”

“James is a good guy. He’d never do something to hurt someone else. And, well, you had a point, didn’t you?” Remus propped open the door to the next carriage. “We can’t force people to see a different opinion. People will believe what they believe.”

Lily waited for him on the other side, frowning. “I didn’t mean for it to sound so… hopeless,” she said. Muggleborns were people. She believed that and thought everyone else should too. There was right and wrong and it was worth fighting for but… what was she trying to say?

“I would give him some space,” Remus said. “It’s been a…. Rough summer for everyone.”

They came upon a cabin with the curtains drawn and smoke spilling from the bottom of the door. Remus sighed and looked at Lily. She saw now the exhaustion in his face. He suddenly looked drawn and she realized his voice had been quieter and more hoarse tone to it. Instantly she felt guilty for not asking about his summer.

“I got it,” she said. “Mary and Alice are probably still with their boyfriends, anyway.” 

“Are you certain?” he asked and she nodded. He looked relieved and ventured off to find the cabin his friends secured.

Lily turned back to the smoking cabin and knocked. It didn’t look to be dangerous and more lawfully questionable so she waited patiently as the occupants inside ignored her. A few boys pushed past, talking about the new quidditch season.

“No running!” she hollered as they elbowed her into the doorway. Instead of hitting the door, however, she hit a body and bounced off. A hand grabbed her as she stumbled into the wall, over a first year. Pain shot through her head as she reached the ground. 

“Dragon piss, Evans,” Black swore, still half upright as he clutched the doorframe. He pulled her off the frightened first year. She scampered up and took off so quickly Lily thought she’d spotted McGonagall. 

Then she saw Sirius Black and understood the urgency. This was not the same boy Lily saw weeks ago in Diagon Alley. Purple painted his under-eyelids and his hair looked messy and unkempt. It was nothing like the easy style he usually carried around school. 

Sirius Black was a dangerous boy if only because no one really knew him. Proudly displaying red and gold any chance given to him, Black was hardly a Slytherin snake waiting to bite when you're back was turned. That said, Black did bite. He just believed the decent thing to do was to look you square in the eye when he did it. Shrugging off his family’s legacy of being a Slytherin elitist should have put him high on Lily’s “like” list but the gesture made him more rebel than hero. While she commended his courage, because gryffindors were known for it, she wasn't sure if it was for all the right reasons. Yet. 

Behind him in the train cabin a small fire seemed to engulf a pile of scrolls, the source of the earlier smoke.

“You’re on fire,” Lily said. 

“We're all burning,” Sirius replied but he turned back to the cabin and wavered a wand at the flames. They became smaller but didn't go out.

Lily rubbed her temple and frowned at her forming headache.

“What are you doing?” she asked and was too preoccupied with the pain to sound authoritatively indignant.

“Smoking,” Black said without looking at her.

Lily pushed into the cabin beside him to get clear of more passing underclassmen and took in the ruined train seat under the scorched papers. Letters, she realized. By the crest on the top of them, they came from an important and noble family. She watched as blue flames lick away inked words.

Sirius pulled the cabin door shut before sinking into the seat next to the widow. He kicked his feet up, then produced a rolled cigarette and used one of the letter’s edges to light it.

“Oh, you were serious,” Lily said, then held up her hand to stop him from making a terrible pun. “I'm surprised you opened the door, then.”

He gave her as much interest as the burning papers as he blew smoke into the air. It was possible he was stoned. It was just as possible he was having an incredibly bad day. Also equally possible was he had gotten too carried away with his spells. Again. “Thought you were James.”

At the mention of her current source of inner turmoil, Lily’s insides twisted in guilt. “Where is he?” she asked. It was strange, seeing any of them without the others. Remus seemed to be the only one that existed outside the group. Lily wouldn't be surprised to learn they all disappeared if cornered alone. Poof.

“I don't know,” Black said harshly. “Not here, obviously.” 

Remus hadn't stopped which meant Remus didn’t know Sirius was somewhere James and Peter were not. And if they weren’t here, it probably meant they didn't know where Black was either. 

Lily sat down beside the burning pile that was almost ash and held out her hand for the cigarette. Sirius sighed but handed it over.

“Fine,” he said. “Just spare me the morality speech.”

Lily knew Sirius Black about as well as she knew any of the Gryffindors. He wasn’t the bad boy persona he flaunted in front of McGonagall. If anything, he and his gang of troublemakers gained their reputation by being too enthusiastic about magic. They cast spells too advanced for them earning awe and admiration, even when they did it without having proper control over them. Lily found more than once the books she sought in the library for advanced charms (because she was good at them) or defensive spells (because potions could get dangerous) checked out only to find them weeks later with Potter or Black’s name newly added to the inside cover. 

True, Black’s family troubles were legendary from the screamers sent at morning breakfast. His cruel pranks against his enemies also gained him a wide berth. 

But Lily Evans slept in the same tower as the terrible Black and she had seen how utterly useless he was in the mornings. She also knew he liked ridiculously sweet tea and half his pranks were accidents he gladly bragged about when they went his way. The other half was just bad humor. Most of his detentions were from fourth year during the Detention War and staged by someone else. Not that he didn't deserve them, Black was just usually not caught.

Lily said nothing as she put the cigarette to her lips and inhaled. It was surprisingly clean tasting and smelled like mint. Her head instantly felt better even as her lungs burned. Sirius just watched as she coughed. Even his wide-eyed expression looked more amused and devilish than confused.

“That's not a fag,” she said after catching her breath.

“No it's not.” Black’s voice regained its edge. He leaned back again. “Got it off Mundungus in Diagon Alley. No idea what it is.”

“Smart!” Lily handed it back. Sirius took a long drag and then blew a smoke ring into the air that turned into a square on its way to Lily. “Did he tell you to jump off a broom too?”

Black shrugged. “Hey, you smoked it.”

“I must be going crazy,” Lily admitted. She watched him study her. “I'm a prefect.”

“Doesn't make you perfect. Look at Remus.”

She grinned at that, matching his. Why she could stand Sirius Black when he, just like James Potter, had bullied her best friend for years felt like a reason too complicated and too simple to actually think about. Sirius, for all his faults, never pretended to be anything he wasn't. He was a bully and a prat and he never apologized for that nor did he expect anyone to think of him as anything else. He wanted to be the black sheep so maybe it was just easier to accept. 

Lily Evans should've hated Sirius Black, but she didn't. Maybe it was that he was so dark that the little bit of light in him mattered more. Like an unbroken cup in a room of broken things. Or maybe she just knew him. The simple answer was there was something about Black she liked that didn't need her poking at it.

Still, she thought there was something about James Potter she liked and that didn’t stop her from getting irrationally angry about him.

“What's with the bonfire?” she asked.

“Celebrating the beginning of term, “ Black said. He avoided her eyes and blew another smoke ring-turned-square.

“Alone?” 

Dark eyes glanced over to her. Glanced away. “You're here.”

“Only because you opened the door.” Lily looked out the window. Fields upon fields past by both quickly and slowly all at once. Distance played with time like that. “Do you hate me?” she asked.

Sirius gave a loud grunt that might've been a laugh or a bark and closed his eyes. “Don't flatter yourself, Evans,” he said. “James is the one that thinks about you. The rest of us don’t care.”

That was fair, she supposed. “Does he hate me?” She didn’t know why she wanted to know but it ate at her. Just like at the lake, she didn’t regret any of the words said but she still regretted the situation. The Incident. She hated that everything lately had been an Incident, all tense and dramatic. If she gave into the honesty in the back of her mind, she didn’t want to be the source of turmoil in the Gryffindor house. She didn't want school to start off in a rift, all because of her.

That did sound conceited. 

Black was watching her again with his bruise-colored eyes. Or maybe his eyes were actually bruised. “I don’t get you, Evans,” he said finally. “You hang around scumbags that think you’re less than human and you defend these arseholes because it’s nice. But you tell us to go to hell then worry we hate you. Can you see past that hair or is it just ego?”

Lily sighed. She should’ve expected this. “You don’t know the whole story. It’s like suddenly finding out Potter hated you because you were a blood purist. Wouldn’t you be conflicted about it?”

“No,” Sirius said simply. “I’m not a blood purist, I’m a traitor. That’s the whole point. Traitors get disowned. It’s the family way.”

He didn’t specify which family he meant, the Blacks, the Gryffindors or the weird family that Black, Potter, Pettigrew and Lupin had become but it didn’t matter. The message was the same. Traitors got kicked out. No remorse. Lily rose from her seat.

Sirius waved her out. “Sorry it’s not agreeable enough for you.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Just stop setting things on fire or Dorcas is gonna suspend you.” She left.

Three train cars later, Alice strained her neck out the compartment. Blonde hair spilled out of a flowery sun hat like a bright signal in a sea of eleven-year-olds.

“There you are!” she yelled as she spotted Lily. She waved Lily down and pulled her inside. “Move your feet, Olivine.” Alice kicked aside the other witch's legs as she attempted to squeeze back into her corner seat next to Frank Longbottom. 

Olivine didn’t look up from her magazine but said, “Took long enough.”

Lily squeezed into the vaguely open seat next to the door and slide it closed. “You know how prefect duty is,” she said by way of explaining. She worried they smelled the smoke on her and began pulling her hair back.

Besides Alice and Frank in attendance, Olivine took up the space between the seats on the floor. None of the other occupants seemed to care, as Alice had already thrown her legs over Frank’s lap. He sat cross-legged next to Mary who was in what looked like an intense discussion on gnomes with Marlene across from her. Marlene threw her arm around Lily with a smile, knocking into Edgar Bones. 

“Careful, luv,” Marlene said by way of apology. Bones, used to the close quarters and Marlene’s carelessness, merely shrugged as he continued to scrawl something on a scroll.

“What are you working on?” Lily asked. “ I can’t imagine you haven’t finished your homework.”

Olivine let out a laugh from the floor but it was Mary that answered.

“He thinks if he writes it down, we’ll understand,” she said. “He’s been writing for a half hour!”

“Understand what?” Lily did not understand. So far Bones’s plan wasn’t working.

“Something about wolfsbane and invisibility,” Mary said. Her tone was both dismissive and annoyed she was explaining this yet again and it was cutting into her gnome story. It was not an unusual reaction between the two as they were dating and this is what dating at Hogwarts usually looked like. Unless, of course, you were Alice and Frank. Then it looked considerably more gross.

“Potion or charm?” Lily asked because she was more curious about invisibility than gnomes. Muggle gnomes were decorative and witch gnomes bit when trying to retrieve proper potion ingredients and that was as much as she wanted to know about them. That and Bones was brilliant at charms.

“Both,” he said over the scratching of his quill.

“That's what we don't understand,” Alice said. She was better at jinxes and hexes and miserably at applying magic to things that she did not want to immediately explode or something equally fun.

Bones sighed. “You apply the potion but it only works when you say the proper spell,” he said.

“That sounds simple enough,” Lily said. Bones leveled a look at her that meant he agreed wholeheartedly. “But how do you get it to work? Like a delayed reaction?”

“It's all theory,” Mary said. “He stopped being able to try it after blowing up the kitchen.”

Marlene laughed. “Your kitchen or his?”

“Mine,” Bones grumbled. “Mum got cross.”

Lily wanted to ask how bad it was but Mary caught her eye and the look said “it was bad and also hilarious but don’t mention it I’ll tell you later over chocolate frogs”. 

Marlene finally released Lily and slouched back into the seat with a huff. “I missed you all,” she said. “I can’t believe summer is over. It’s not fair.”

“You went to France,” Olivine said from the floor, still facing her magazine. The cover had a giggling model in the latest fashion of hat longed for in the witch world. “That’s what’s not fair.”

Marlene wouldn’t be dissuaded in her pouting. “I wasted all the time there and none of it with you lot. And now we’re going to be stuck at school.”

“In the same tower,” Frank pointed out, speaking for the first time in his quiet voice. He pointed this out exactly because he wasn’t in their tower. “In the same dorm. A terrible distance.”

Alice laughed and Marlene rolled her eyes but Lily felt bad for Frank being secluded to the kitchens while his girlfriend was a castle away. At the very least he wasn’t the furthest from the Gryffindors. He could’ve been a Slytherin in their dungeons. And he had Bones.

“Was Eliza behaving herself or did she start another riot?” Olivine asked.

“Could I survive the rest of the night without having to hear about Potter?” Lily asked and she shoved her feet harshly under the Ravenclaw’s legs to stretch her own.

Mary said, “not likely,” the same time Marlene began saying, “You’re the one talking about Potter, she asked about Eliza.”

“We’ve given you peace the last month,” Mary said, “but the rest of the school is dying to know whether or not you’re dating Snape and started the foretold House War.”

“No one foretold anything about a war,” Lily said. She meant, no one foretold anything about a war in Hogwarts having to do with the four houses warring. And if they did, it was only because it already happened in fourth year and people were still trying to make it an annual thing because it was so much fun. 

“Olivine did,” Mary said.

“When?” Marlene asked. “Just now or in the unforetold past she neglected to tell us about?”

Olivine put down her magazine. “I said a war was coming to the houses of Hogwarts.”

“A new war or the war going on outside?” Frank asked. His brows were set in worry but Alice looked more curious and swung her legs off his lap.

Olivine shrugged and studied her nails. “It was a dream so it wasn’t very specific.”

“That sounds rather specific,” Lily said. 

Olivine turned her green eyes on Lily, unblinking. “I don’t remember the dream, that was just what I read when I woke up.”

Lily felt a chill despite the warm bodies in the compartment. Olivine wrote in her sleep, some time predictions, sometimes gibberish, but she had a very eerie gaze and an excellent understanding of divination theory. 

“Way to go, Lily,” Mary said, earning a kick from Marlene.

Olivine picked up her magazine and leaned back to read it once more marking the end to her involvement. 

“I am so tired of hearing about the Marauders,” Marlene said, rather loudly. “Tell me why the Prewett Twins got kicked out of Persius Clew’s house party.”

Mary straightened, ready to deliver a very well rehearsed story when there was a shrill sound from the hallway. 

“What was that?” Edgar asked, looking up.

“It sounded like a scream,” Frank said. He positioned his body as if to protect Alice if something were to burst through the door. Her smaller size made her only able to poke her head around him. 

Lily could hear the sound of opening compartment doors and figured she should get to the source before gossip did.

“Probably a first year,” she said. “You know how many spells backfire the first month.”

Mary relaxed back into her seat. “Remember the birds?”

The compartment began laughing as Lily pushed out into the corridor. Heads poked out to see where the sound had come from but already students were returning to their last hours of summer. Lily began to do the same when she heard another sound like the first but it cut itself off. A scream.

She headed further back into the train towards the lavatories. It’s fine, she told herself. Students panicked all the time on the first day of school, especially on the trip to Hogwarts. Last year a boy was sick and she spent the last two hours of the train fetching gillywater from the snack cart. 

“I’ve got it,” she called to a pack of fourth-year boys. They’re eyes followed her down until she reached the open door to the water closet. Maybe they just got spooked, or someone threw the lock on them while they were using it, Lily mused. That sounded awfully familiar. Still, she heard running water and approached to turn it off. Then she froze.

Smoke trailed from inside the toilet seat somewhat obscuring the rest of the small room but Lily could see it well enough. Red smeared the mirror in thick lines so it was impossible to see a reflection past the words. **Death to Mudbloods.** It wasn’t until Lily finally wrapped her mind around them she saw the sink overflowed, sending red onto the floor stretching to the door. It was reaching for her shoes. 

Bile rose in her throat and a thought ran on repeat. It’s blood. It’s blood. It’s blood. It’s blood. It’s blood. It’s blood.

**Death to Mudbloods.**

Again, her mind clicked back into working. Whose blood?

“E-evans?”

Peter Pettigrew squeaked when he saw her step out of the bathroom, no doubt scared of accidentally embarrassing her. “W-we heard a noise!”

“A scream,” Lupin said and he pushed past Lily, face set like he already knew what to expect. How could anyone expect that. He turned back to her and she saw concern painted in his eyes. “Are you alright?”

Lily nodded even as she pressed herself against the wall. She swallowed. Then swallowed again. Finally, when she trusted her voice, she said, “Did you see anyone pass the way you came? There was no one my way.”

“No,” Lupin said. “No one covered in blood and raging about muggles, I mean.”

“Blood!” Peter gulped. “Is that what’s in there?” 

“I’ll search the train,” Lily said. “Go notify Dorcas. Merlin knows Samus won’t do anything about it.”

She turned to set off but a hand made her jump.

“Lily,” Remus said. Sad eyes filled with understanding and concern.

She felt warmer and braver with the knowledge that not everyone wanted her dead. “I’m ok. I’m more worried for anyone else who sees this.”

Lupin held her gaze a moment longer, then nodded. “Wormtail,” he said and Lily was so confused she almost asked if he was requesting one - a potion ingredient? - but then he looked at Peter. “Would you keep anyone from seeing this until I return with our Head Girl?”

“You got it,” Peter said and gave a mock salute. Then, seemingly unaware what else to do, he leaned against the wall and crossed his arms looking like a common criminal on the street.

“Perhaps,” Remus said, “you should start by closing the door.”

**

There was no sign of whoever made the message in the water closet and no sign of the person that screamed upon discovering it. It was possible it was the same person but Lily wasn’t sure why you would write a message like that and then scream about it. 

Unless you wanted someone to find it. 

Still, the trail went cold. There was only so much she could do on a single-direction train full of rambunctious magic-welders. In the end she threw open compartment doors, commanded something about a prefect search and ordered everyone to show her their hands. She didn’t expect the culprit to still have evidence on their hands but it was better than nothing.

Which is what all the other prefects resolved to do once she sought them out.

“If you didn’t find anyone and no one else is reporting it, we’ll have to wait until we reach school,” Dorcas said. She was technically right but it made it frustrating to see such a disgusting display ignored.

“It’s just a prank,” Eliza said, attempting to keep up with the Gryffindor group as they made their way out of the Hogsmead station. “I mean, it’s awful but you told me yourself not to get caught up in pranks.”

“Next time I hope it reads ‘Go Die, Eliza’,” Mary snapped. “See how funny that is.”

Eliza sucked in a breathe, her face going red. She tried to say something but after a few soundless moments she mumbled something and trotted off to a group of Ravenclaws waiting for the carriages.

“Merlin, McDonald,” Marlene said, “she’s just a kid.” 

“She’s old enough to know the difference between stupid and vile,” Mary shot back. Her words mirrored Lily’s mood. 

“Look,” Alice said, “what happened back there, we all agree is a bunch of blood purist troll boogie. But we can’t lash out at each other or let it ruin the school year.” She looked hopefully at her friends, lingering longer on Lily and Mary then the others. “Hogwarts is the safest place for everyone and none of that will fly with Dumbledore and McGonagall around and we have two years to learn all we can before we can join that front.”

Frank threw an arm around her shoulders in a small side-hug and the others nodded. 

“We still need to teach Eliza to filter her words,” Olivine said and climbed into a carriage.

When the castle that housed the magical school finally rose up out of the surrounding forest to meet them, Lily felt a bit better. Not from any sort of closure but from distraction that came from friends talking about what they did over the summer, what they wished they did and who they wished it involved more of. 

Marlene was the reason the romance insanity didn’t bother Lily. As single girls, they were obligated to constantly mock the other two couples every possible chance. Marlene was up by two points, but that was only because she was able to insult both couples at the same time. The laughter did well to dull the anxiety of the summer.

The Great Hall glowed with promise of good food as students filtered through it. Lily watched the group break into houses, with Frank and Bones heading off with other Hufflepuffs and Olivine disappearing in a cluster of Ravenclaws. 

“I’ll catch up in a bit,” Lily said to the other girls.

“You sure?” Marlene asked. 

“Yeah, I should talk to McGonagall.”

Mary made a face. “That can wait until after pudding, at least.”

“Prefect,” Lily said, pointing to herself. Then she pointed to Mary, “Broom Goblin.”

She turned her back on her friend’s rolling eyes and headed to the side of the hall where she thought the head of Gryffindor house might be herding the first years. They always entered from the side but she’d never gone down to the lake from inside the castle before. 

The passage lead to a dead end with framed pictures of fruit and a pile of barrels. Right. One was the kitchens and one was the Hufflepuff dorms. Lily couldn't see a third option and frowned. She could go through the Great Hall but it would attract attention. Maybe Mary was right. It could wait until after pudding.

She just couldn’t wrap her mind around sitting in a room where someone wanted to kill her. Not her, specifically. She knew that it was not a direct message to her. That she was not a direct target. But the idea of hate cultivating so much emotion to smear it in a message like that chilled her. It was like a feeling of something coming undone. Like Hogwarts lost a bit of magic.

She shivered to herself. Death. It was such a strong message, so much stronger than “stay away” and “keep out”. Death was not the same idea as separate. Death was the end goal for this war and Lily had not been completely aware of that fact until seeing it on the mirror instead of her own reflection. Death. 

Lily turned and started when she saw someone standing at the end of the hall. Her heart pounded in her chest even after recognizing James Potter, back in his school uniform and sloppy tie. He was tucking some parchment into his robe and then caught her eye.

“Evans?” He stepped closer to see better in the candlelight. 

“Potter?” Lily cleared her throat. “Why aren't you at the feast?”

He pushed a hand through his hair, making it impossibly more messy than it was, then dropped it as if burning himself. He shoved both hands into his pockets. “If I asked you that, I doubt I'd get the answer,” he said. His tone was harsh and his eyes lacked any of the playfulness their banter usually inspired. It...looked wrong.

“I'm looking for McGonagall, “ Lily said. “About….” It was stupid to lie, everyone already knew about it. “About the train.”

Something did flash in his eyes then, something Lily didn't recognize.

“Are you alright?” he asked. His tone was on the edge of gentle. 

Lily didn't need gentle and she didn't need pity or whatever that look in his eye was so her words came out clipped when she said, “I'm fine, I just want to know who did it.”

Potter backed away. “McGonagall wouldn't know, she wasn't on the train.” 

Lily began to walk past him back into the feast. Because why would he understand the feeling twisting in her gut?

“I forgot, it was just a silly prank,” she said. “And silly pranks aren't a big deal.”

James grabbed her arm. His fingers mostly caught her robe but she could feel the pressure applied, forcing her to stop. She did.

“There's a boy in the hospital right now,” James said in a low voice. He did not look at her, but rather at the paintings on the wall. 

“How do you know anyone’s in the hospital?” Lily asked. Then he did look at her. She wished he hadn’t.

“I saw him go up while everyone was going into the feast,” he said, though a little too casually. He gave an exaggerated shrug. “Remus said the prefects were looking for someone hurt or distressed by the event. He looked pretty distressed.”

Lily pulled free and James let her. She should apologize for before, she knew. Especially now that he was giving her a tip but her insides were too twisted and her mood too foul for it to mean anything at the moment. So instead, she began walking again.

She paused at the front staircase and turned back to see Potter slip into the Great Hall. McGonagall's voice came through, announcing a name from her scroll.

She sighed all the way to the hospital. Eventually, she’d stop but the summer kept replaying itself in her brain. The summer, the war and the train. Eventually, it’d fade away and everything would go back to being normal. Eventually things would stop feeling so fragile and different. 

Madam Pomfrey didn’t answer the hospital bell nor was she in her office. Lily let herself into the wing and looked around. This early in the year it was clean and organized, awaiting the madness caused by the pranks and mishaps the school year promised. Each bed had clean, pressed sheets. All except one.

“Hello,” Lily said as she approached. The curtain was drawn enough to block the patient from view but not completely private. “It’s Lily Evans, I’m a Gryffindor prefect. I heard you were up here and wanted to check in.”

There was a muffled squeak and the person pulled her knees out of sight. Lily pulled back the curtain and found a small first year boy. He had bushy dark hair and large glasses that looked too big for his face like the style Lily had seen back home. Her heart sank a little seeing them. He looked a little too muggle.

She threw on a comforting smile. “Are you hurt?” she asked gently.

He seemed too scared to speak at first, blinking behind his large rims. He stared at her hair.

“We miss you at the feast,” she said. “Have you been here before?”

The boy shook his head.

“Well, it’s very nice. I’m happy you made it. Did you get a letter?”

He nodded.

“What’s your name?” Lily asked.

“John,” he said with a stronger voice. “It said I was magical.”

“You are,” she said and she sat next to the bed. “You’re a wizard. So. Why are you in the hospital?”

“I don’t know,” John said. “I mean, I don’t remember.”

Lily frowned, scanning him for any injuries. “How did you find the hospital?” she asked. It took a while to learn the school and the first night was always intimidating.

“A boy showed me,” he said. “I think his name was Brown or Black?”

“Sirius?” Lily looked around. She hadn’t passed anyone on the way to the medical wing. Black wouldn’t have hung around but that didn’t explain why he was playing good samaritan.

“Did something happen on the train that made him bring you here?” she asked.

“There was blood,” John said, looking down. “It was all over, on my hands and the mirror but...But I don’t remember what happened.” He looked up and his eyes pleaded with her to understand and not blame him.

“Are you hurt?” she asked, looking him over for any cuts or curse marks again.

“This little one will be just fine,” Madam Pomfrey said as she came around the curtain carrying a tray with a glass and pitcher. “Oh, hello Miss Evans.”

“Good evening Madam Pomfrey.”

The older woman set down the tray next to the bed and poured a glass of turquoise liquid as she fretted about the abnormal night. 

“To think someone would play such a prank on a child,” Madam Pomfrey said as she eyed the dosage in the glass. Then she looked over the boy. “And on the first night. Didn’t even get off the train. Drink this dear.” She thrust the glass into John’s hands and under her stare he gulped it down.

“Just a calming draft?” Lily asked. “Nothing else?”

“He had a mild confundus placed on him but other than that, he’s fine,” Madam Pomfrey said and watched as John’s eyes dropped. 

“No blood?” Lily asked.

“Now why would there be blood from a confundus charm?” Madam Pomfrey asked.

“Because of the train,” John said. “There was blood all over it.”

Lily met the medic’s eyes.

“Is there another patient I should be treating tonight?” Madam Pomfrey asked sternly.

“I haven’t found anyone behind the prank,” Lily said. “So if they haven’t come in yet, you should be fine to go back to the feast.”

“Can we go to the feast?” John asked. He blinked up at her with drowsy eyes.

“I think so, we need to get you sorted,” Lily said. “Are you hungry?” He nodded. “I can take him back,” she told Madam Pomfrey. 

“Thank you, Miss Evans.” Madam Pomfrey gathered up her utensils as John hopped off the bed. 

He followed her down the hallway towards the Great Hall.

“Um,” John said after a few moments of silence. “Are the pictures moving?”

“Oh!” Lily smiled. “Yes! And they’re very friendly. Are you muggle-born then?”

“Uh,” the younger boy said. “Yeah. That’s what they call it right? When you’re not from other wizards?”

“Yes,” Lily said. “When your family isn’t magical.”

“Is that bad?” John asked. “I mean, can you really tell that easily?”

Lily paused to think of her answer. How much should the boy know? He was only new to Hogwarts but had already experienced, well, Lily didn’t know what he had experienced. Thanks to a confundus, she didn’t know what the boy had seen. There could’ve been a separate incident entirely on the train that they wouldn’t know. 

“It’s not bad at all,” Lily said. “I’m muggleborn myself.”

“Really?” 

She nodded. “Did anyone say anything to you on the train? About who you were?”

John looked ahead as they began walking again. “I don’t really remember. The others knew I was muggleborn but they seemed to want to know more about it.”

“That’s good. You’re making friends already.” Before she opened the doors, she turned to him again. “Listen, John, if you need anything at school, let me know, okay? Even if we’re not in the same house, I’m a prefect so I can help you out with anything. You’ll get me if you need me right?”

John nodded and Lily smiled. She reached to open the doors but one pushed open almost colliding into her.

“There you are Miss Evans,” Professor McGonagall said as she exited the Great Hall. “And just where did you get off to while we worried we had lost our first ever student between the front door and the Great Hall?”

Lily felt her face go red. “I’m sorry Professor,” she said, trying to find the easiest explanation. “There was an incident on the train and John was in the hospital.”

McGonagall scanned both of them before motioning John to go ahead. “Go find a seat inside Mr. Turner, we’ll sort you in a moment.” They both watched as he nervously entered the hall and surveyed the tables and then stared at the ceiling in wonder. He must’ve found his train friends because he finally ran to a place at one of the long tables.

“Am I to assume both the train incident as you put it and John Turner ending up in the hospital are connected?” McGonagall asked Lily.

“Well, I thought so,” Lily said. 

McGonagall waited patiently while Lily described the scene on the train, nodding her head but otherwise not reacting. “And did Mr. Turner have anything to say about the matter?”

“Well, no,” Lily said. “He was confunded and couldn’t remember. I think he might’ve found the scene or maybe he was responsible but he doesn’t remember.”

“And does he remember who charmed him?”

“Well, no,” Lily said again. 

“I see,” Mcgonagall said. “Might I suggest next time you decide to investigate something yourself that you inform your friends what you’re doing and allow the staff to handle any medical situations with the other students.” Her tone was firm but Lily didn’t sense an impending punishment coming so she counted herself lucky. When the professor began to turn away, something else pounded away at Lily’s heart.

“But professor, what about the threat?” She could still see the blood dripping down the mirror.

“The teachers will look into the event ourselves,” McGonagall said. “Unfortunately, you know as well as I that this is most likely a cruel joke.” She seemed pained to say it but there was little else she could say.

Anger flared in Lily anyway. “That doesn’t make it right,” she said, her voice rising. “That boy was a muggleborn and confounded. He didn’t even reach Hogwarts!”

The professor’s steely eyes held Lily’s with a stern expression. “I understand your concern, Miss Evans, as do all of the professors. But the opening feast is not the time to bring this up.”

Her statement was final and Lily felt her anger exhaust. She nodded. “Sorry professor,” she said and then turned to the Great Hall. She found her friends near the back of the long Gryffindor table nearly done with the dinner as desserts began popping up onto the table. 

Lily slid onto the bench next to Marlene and grabbed a meat pie before the platter disappeared. 

“There she is!” Alice said over the pumpkin cakes appearing in a pile. “Lily, we worried!”

“I didn’t,” Marlene said, scooting her plate filled with mashed potatoes and chicken over towards Lily. The redhead smiled at her, grateful. “Figured you met someone and decided to have a torrid affair.”

“Ha. Ha.” Lily took a large bite of the mashed potatoes, feeling her hunger for the first time since the train. She heard McGonagall pass behind her as the professor made her way back up to the head table.

“Did you tell her what happened?” Mary asked, watching the head table stir. “What did she say?”

“Nothing,” Lily said. “She said she’d discuss with the other teachers but it was most likely a prank.”

Mary frowned and Lily was relieved to see her own feelings mirrored. Especially when the others seemed to have accepted the news well. 

“Where were you before that?” Alice asked. “You didn’t even make it into the Hall and almost missed dinner.”

Lily saw the entire table had already turned over to desserts but decided not to point out that she had missed dinner. “Hospital,” she said. “One of the first years was there. I thought he might have information.”

“And?” Mary pressed. She leaned closer over Marlene to hear Lily over the loud roar of student gossip. Marlene frowned at her and pushed her away. Mary glared, picked up a jelly cake and tossed it at her.

“He didn’t know anything.” Lily sighed, pushing the potatoes to the other end of the plate with her fork.

“Typical,” Mary said after ducking a handful of pudding. “What’s it going to take for someone to take these pranks seriously? I don’t want to hear about one of us getting hurt before we see the school taking action.”

“Dumbledore would never let it get that far,” Alice said. “And besides, one of /you/,” she emphasised the word, “wouldn’t be so easily bullied.”

Lily met Mary’s eyes and they both fell quiet. It was hard to explain to friends their fear of being targeted. Past Mary she saw the four troublemakers tossing cakes at each other, attempting to get it in each other’s mouth.

“Did Black come in late?” Lily asked, watching the boy charm a treat to fly towards the opposite end of the hall where the Slytherins sat.

“Yeah,” Alice said. “Why?”

James turned his eyes on her just then and she quickly looked away. “Nothing,” she said.

Conversation turned to hopeful schedules and quidditch games. There was talk of the Second League starting up as early as the first week and the tables were sending flying notes across the Hall gathering players. 

Dumbledore stood and the hall fell silent. Lily continued to push the remains of her meal around, keeping it from disappearing while her friends turned to hear him.

“It seems we have one last sorting to do,” Dumbledore said and beckoned little John to the front wear the stool had been replaced. McGonagall placed the Sorting Hat on his head as the tables began to murmur about the late sorting.

“Hufflepuff!” the hat announced to the room and Lily clapped along with the Hufflepuff table as John made his way over. At least Frank and Edgar would be able to keep an eye on him.

“And now onto other matters,” Dumbledore said. “For those of you that are new, welcome. For those returning, welcome back.”

For the first time since Lily had studied at Hogwarts, the words didn’t feel comforting. The warm, rich feeling of love that usually cascaded through her was absent and the room felt stuffy with the whole school in attendance instead of energized. 

It’s just a bad night, Lily told herself as the Headmaster went on about staff changes and rules. The notes continued to pass, though they crawled across the floor now and up legs. Lily wondered if one of them would burst into flames after a threatening message was delivered.

That was it. That was the problem. Hogwarts didn’t feel welcoming anymore.

She cast her eyes towards Dumbledore, addressing the last of the rules and wondered if she was the only one in the room that felt the sudden chill.


	6. A Lesson in Class

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How bad can the first day of school be?

**Chapter Six: A Lesson in Class**

Lily was really starting to hate mornings. After tossing and turning all night, she finally pulled back the curtains of her bed to the sounds of the other girls starting the task of first day appeal. 

Marigold and Louvaine, the other roommates in their class, were already dressed in their uniforms. Marigold started brewing the teapot while Marlene and Mary began to pull out beauty tonics and supplies from their trunks. The familiar smell of Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion wafted through the air, making Lily gag.

“Get up, sleepy head,” Mary called. “You barely had dinner last night, you need a good breakfast.”

“Thanks Mom,” Lily muttered as she watched Marlene tame her frizz with the potion. Lily couldn't use the stuff on her red hair, as so mysteriously pointed out on the label. Despite the warning, she attempted to fix an awful summer frizz in third year that turned her entire head green. For a month.

That, she supposed, was also Potter’s fault as the potion came from his family. He certainly had a brilliant time laughing at her that entire month.

“Who brought the record player?” Mary asked, ignoring Lily. She dug through Louvaine’s trunk, pulling out parchment, a broom stick and an axe in her search. “It wasn’t me was it?” She muttered absently to herself.

“I did,” Marlene said, examining herself in the mirror they set up near the door. “I tried to get the oldest I could find.”

Mary pulled out the turntable from Marlene’s trunk and it popped to it’s full size from the compaction spell. She turned it around in her hands, making Lily flinch at the way the needle swung.

“What do you think?” Mary asked, looking over to her. “Will it work?”

Lily pulled herself out of her covers, motioning for Mary to put the machine on the ground for her to examine better. It was an older model, one they hadn’t sold in years but it still looked too new in the dated drapes on the stone castle.

“I dunno,” Lily said. She looked at Mary who was frowning at it. “It has a plug. If it has a plug, we can’t use it. No electricity.”

Which was one of the terribly inconvenient parts of living in a medieval castle. The candles and lights were all magic. It didn’t help bringing in outside technology.

“We could charm it,” Mary suggested. “It just has to spin, right?”

Mary and Marlene both looked at Lily expectedly. The whole situation was the muggleborns’ idea and Lily was the best at charms. But she had no knowledge of machinery.

“I don’t know,” Lily said. “It’d have to be the right speed. And I don’t know what would make the speakers work. Do you want to risk your Beatles record?”

Mary frowned. “No. I have Simon and Garfunkel, though.”

“Those are muggle bands?” Marigold asked from her bed. “Could’ve fooled me…”

“We can check the market,” Marlene suggested. “Maybe someone threw their record player out. Dung isn’t above selling junk.”

“I love spending money on rubbish,” Marigold said with a sour tone but Lily nodded.

“He might be able to get one for us, at the very least,” she said. 

The tea kettle hollowed and Louvaine moved to get them all tea. Mary fixed her hair in the mirror while Marlene covered up the scent of glamour tonics with a perfume spell.

Really, the dorm room was a home away from home. Over the last five years, the girls had solved all the problems with it, from the draft in the windows, poor lighting and lack of food. There was always tea ready for someone racing in between classes or before a study break and the pictures lining the walls were only taken down at year’s end. 

Louvaine and Marigold weren’t as close to the other three girls but they weren't terrible strangers either. Marigold spent most of her time away occupied with activities Lily wasn’t completely sure about. Louvaine always seemed to be reading. Both pure bloods never seemed overly concerned with whatever Lily or the gang were up to. 

Lily stared at one of the quidditch posters, watching the brooms race and remembered all the times they spent in the dorm room. It was little compared to the hours in the library, scheming in the Great Hall and goofing off on the quidditch field but it still felt like she’d spent her life here. 

“You should get ready,” Mary said from her bed as she pulled out her jewelry. “And don’t tell me you’re not eating. The summer-diet thing ended yesterday.”

Lily rolled her eyes but started to put on her uniform. “You know I don’t diet,” she said. “No self-control.”

“As if,” Marlene laughed. “The Red Queen is the most controlled of us all.”

“Please don’t call me that,” Lily groaned. Of all the nicknames, she hated that one the most. It was so snobbish. 

“I forgot only James can call you that,” Marlene said and then dodged a hex. “I speak the truth!”

“You speak lies,” Lily said and pushed herself in front of the floor-length mirror. She frowned at her bed head and baggy eyes. She certainly didn’t look like a bright young woman in search of higher learning this morning. She waved her wand and commanded her hair to wrap itself around her head in a braid. Better.

The girls all gathered their school bags, made lighter by lack of books and headed out. They’d return for the proper material after breakfast. 

The common room was full of students mingling and gathering before the meal. Alice waved them down from the front of the fireplace. The Seventh Year was wide-eyed and excited when they approached and they slipped out of the common room without incident. Lily breathed a sigh of relief.

“Day’s still young,” Mary remarked, catching Lily’s eye. She winked.

“Any word about the Second League?” Lily asked, trying to redirect the conversation. “I forgot to ask last night.”

“Nothing concrete,” Marlene said, “I think they're waiting for schedules. Still, if they go with last year’s schedules, it’ll be Tuesdays.”

“I hope not,” Alice said, “I want to participate this year and Fletcher always holds Astrology on Tuesdays.”

“You’re still taking Astrology?” Lily asked. 

Alice shrugged. “It’s an easy class and I like the stars.”

“You mean Frank likes the stars,” Mary said. “And Fletcher can’t see you two making out under them.”

Marlene and Lily laughed while Alice turned red. They reached the Great Hall and found seats near the back close to the door.

Lily piled her plate high with eggs and ham while the girls exchanged gossip around her. She didn’t mind the chatter or knowing about everyone else but staying out of it was the best kind of defense these days. And she really was starving after missing dinner.

Not too long after they began eating, McGonagall began circulating with schedules. 

“I am not looking forward to this,” Marlene said with a sigh as she scanned her schedule. “We’re hardly in any classes together anymore.”

“History of Magic,” Lily suggested, pointing to her parchment. “And we’ll always have meals.”

“I know but it’s not the same,” Marlene said. “Now that we’re studying different things.”

“At least you don’t have exams this year,” Alice said with a groan. “How am I supposed to pass Defense Against the Dark Arts if we have a new professor? AGAIN.”

“Was that the older man sitting next to Slughorn last night?” Lily asked. “Donnchadha?”

“He looks too young,” Marlene said, looking over their heads. “Can’t be much better than the last one.”

“What did happen to Professor Spellder?” Mary asked. Marlene and Alice exchanged looks.

“He… died,” Alice said. “You didn’t hear? It was in the paper.”

“He wasn’t very old,” Lily said. 

“He was killed,” Marlene said, “by Deatheaters.”

Both Mary and Lily gasped. “What!” Mary yelled, leaning closer. “But he was a defense teacher!”

“That’s why they think he was targeted,” Alice said. “Because he was teaching muggle-born students.” 

“That’s terrible,” Lily said, feeling a chill. “He was only here a year.”

“They’re all only here a year,” Marlene said. “It’s the jinx.”

“Yeah but,” Lily shifted uncomfortably thinking over some of their other professors, “most just quit or retire.”

“Or start breeding dragons,” Mary pointed out, referring to their fourth year professor. 

“Or get married to a goblin in France,” said Alice. 

“To be fair, he was a goblin himself,” Lily pointed out. “And he was horrid.”

They laughed as they gathered their things despite the dark undertone their joke held. Lily couldn’t help but glance at the head table at the young professor sitting up in the front. His hair was black and combed back in a smart manner but a chill ran down her spine again.

“You’ll have to tell me how he is,”, Lily said. “I hate not having that class anymore.”

Mary stumbled on her robe and fixed her books. “I forgot about that. Do you really think you should drop it, though?” The reason who Mary was questioning remained unsaid.

Lily shuffled along with the other students out the doors and into the stairway. “It was that or Charms. Professor Slughorn said he wanted me taking Runes. I’m better at Charms anyway, everyone says so.”

It was true and the girls let the subject drop as they went their separate ways. Still, the thought lingered in Lily’s mind. She was at least comforted by the fact that she could hex someone pretty well if anyone ever crossed her. She’d already won a few duels in the corridors and two against Potter. That would be enough, she reasoned.

Lily made her way down into the dungeons for potions. It wasn’t surprising that her friends didn’t share many classes. While Lily wanted to be a Potioner, her friends were avidly poor at brewing. All except Alice, who still required the class if she wanted to be an Auror. But being older, Alice wasn’t in any of Lily’s classes.

In the years before, she’d meet Snape in the halls between breakfast and the dungeons. Last year he stopped associating with her publically but she’d still sit with him in Slughorn’s class and quip about all the foul ingredients or how to use each potion they brewed. 

Upon entering Slughorn’s classroom, Lily realized those days ended last year. 

He was there already sitting in the front of the classroom off the side where the two of them had carved their initials into the table second year. Severus hunched over the desk, reading his book trying to ignore the other students in the hall. 

He looked back just then as she studied him and she froze. His eyes were so… angry. They pierced her with their fury.

“Ah, Miss Evans!” Slughorn said as he walked from his back office and set another cauldron on his desk to join the three already there. “So happy to see you! How was your summer?”

It took a long moment for Lily to drag her eyes from Severus’s glare to her professor. 

“It was…” She struggled to remember any part of her summer. “Less memorable than you’d think,” she said.

Slughorn gave a laugh that jiggled his belly. “I don’t know if I should be disappointed in you, Miss Evans,” he said. “I expected tales of grand potions!”

“On the contrary,” Lily said, thinking of all the bottles in her trunk, “I find a memorable brew to be the one you don’t do well.”

Slughorn laughed again and waved his finger. “Right you are, right you are!” He turned back to get more supplies and someone pushed past Lily into the room. She was still frozen in the doorway.

And he was still watching her.

Slowly, she moved into the room and sat in the back row. The rest of the class filed in closer to the front in order to read Slughorn’s embellished handwriting. By sixth year, the students knew that position in the classroom had very little to do with Slughorn’s attention. 

A body slumped into the seat next to her. “Well well well,” Black said with gravel in his throat. “Miss Evans, what brings you to the back of the class?”

Lily fixated on straightening her book on her desk instead of looking at him. “I have herbology after this and need to leave quickly,” she said. 

“Liar, liar,” Black said with a wicked grin Lily could practically feel. “You’re hiding. I didn't know you were afraid of snakes.”

She glared. “I’m not afraid of anyone.”

Black laughed and rested his chin on his folded arms. “Careful Red or your nose will start growing.”

“How do you even know that story?” Lily blinked. “Why are you sitting here?”

Black raised his eyebrows. “It’s my seat.” He sat back up and spread his hands wide, showing a burnt spot on the tabletop that Lily now saw formed letters. They spelled _B SIRIUS_.

Lily picked her book up and scanned her own side of the table and found another burnt spot. It read _J POTTER_. 

She looked up and spotted the owner of the name in question at a table just beside them. Lupin was already setting up their cauldrons. Potter held the same angry glare from last night.

“Oh,” Lily said. She got to her feet and put her book back in her bag. 

“What are you doing?” Black asked.

“Moving,” Lily said. “Isn’t that what you want me to do?”

He shrugged. “I got my seat.”

“Yeah but-” she looked back at Potter who was now conveniently in conversation with the Hufflepuff in front of him. “You two aren’t going to act out and seek revenge are you?”

“What are we, children?” Black asked but his smile unnerved her. She wanted to insist Potter switch with her but Slughorn charmed the door closed with a loud bang.

“Welcome back, students!” He sang out. The class responded in less enthusiastic tones. Kids could say what they would about Slughorn but at least he appreciated his work. His enthusiasm for the craft inspired her to brew better. She didn’t know any other teacher she felt that way about. McGonagall wasn’t bad but she was so serious. Slughorn… Well, Slughorn taught with his own style. 

Normally, Lily didn’t his wild stories of his summer. Today she felt… Lily leaned back against her chair, wondering. It was the same feeling from the night before in the Great Hall. Like Hogwarts wasn’t so magical anymore.

Maybe Tunie was right, Lily thought. It worried her, this doubt. Because if Petunia was right, then that meant Lily had worked so hard for nothing.

Back on the broom, she repeated to herself. It’s just a first day jitters. Things will work out. Yes, she would get through the class and try harder the rest of the day. It was ok to hate one class.

Slughorn continued with his opening speech and recount of his summer. He had the typical story every year - tales of adventures in deal hunting in London, tickets to the World Cup thanks to an old student and, of course, attending parties. 

“You’d think he’d learn how to throw a better dinner party if he’s been to so many,” Lily recalled saying once.

“That would require him caring about his guests,” Severus had replied. “And we all know he only cares about the food.”

They both laughed back then, a quiet chuckle under their breath so no one else would hear. Severus had a great laugh with a full bodied sound when he really gave one. Lily always devised ways to hear it. Seeing him happy made her happy.

None of that could happen now. No quips, no teasing and certainly no laughing. 

“You look like you blew up your sister,” Black said. “Or, no, the opposite of that. Like you tried and it didn't work. Whatever. I thought you liked this bullshit.”

“There is such a thing as complicated emotions,” Lily said. “I suspect you know about them.”

She realized her words sounded harsher than she meant them but Black grinned. 

“Complicated? Yeah, I know complicated. So you’re screwing the professor?”

“What?!”

“Miss Evans,” Slughorn said with start. He looked at her in confusion. 

“Uh,” Lily stammered, “what was that last party you went to? I didn't catch the hosts’ names.”

“The Turnbuckles!” Slughorn said with a great smile. “New to London out of Germany. Very friendly but…” he began repeating the last story in ease as Lily glanced at Black. He kept his expression collected but there was a noticeable edge to his eyes, like a dog that just took a bite of supper.

“Who’s saying that?” Lily asked.

“Saying what?” Sirius asked in mock innocence.

The redhead felt her blood begin to heat. “Is that really a rumor?” She asked. “That I- that we- that I’ve…” she couldn't even spit the words, let alone say them. Black held back his laughter harder now, she could see it leaking from his eyes and into his grin. 

“You said it was complicated. Only thing I know that’s complicated is shagging and feelings.”

Lily didn’t think shagging was all that complicated a process but she wouldn’t push technicalities. 

“Ha ha.” She turned back to her things and straightened her parchment, pens and book. “I’ll give your boyfriend his seat back next class. You don’t need to be an arse.”

She was going to leave it at that and did for several minutes while Slughorn finished the last half of his welcoming speech to finally introduce the assignment. Lily gathered her ingredients from the cupboard and began cutting.

“It’s interesting, Evans,” Black said. She had tried very hard to forget he was there and in truth she had as soon as she began brewing. She looked up at him now with only mild annoyance.

“What is?”

“Rumors and talk, you don’t seem to pay much attention to any of it.”

Lily pushed her fringe from her eyes. “And?”

“And it’s interesting,” Black continued, “that you decide so much on so little information all the time. I can’t tell if you’re naive or just completely fucking stupid.”

The thing about potions is how fragile they are. Something like the unstable brew the class was simmering could be ignited by the magic in the essence of toad resulting in a plum of dark smoke, soot and foul odor.

This is how Lily Evans decided to shut Sirius Black up and get excused from class. After all, she needed to change clothes.

**

“Do we need to have an intervention?” Mary asked, seeing the stained uniform crumbled on floor much later that day. “I’m not going to be happy if you’re going to have a bad attitude all year.”

“I promise I’ll cheer up,” Lily said, tying her hair back into a bun to hide the darker stains in her hair. 

“I mean it, Lil,” she said, watching from her bed. “Fights and drama always happen. And I know it’s totally bogus but you can’t let it get to you so much.”

Lily sighed and pinned her hair. “Wait, isn’t that what I told you when Fred dumped you?”

Mary’s eye twinkled. “You want to hear the rest? There’s a lot of crummy advice wrapped up in that better-than-thou speech.”

Lily felt her face warm. “I don’t mean to sound so full of myself,” she said.

Mary rose to her feet, grabbing her purse from the dresser. “We know, Lily. That’s why /we’re/ your friends. Starting to make sense to you?”

Lily rolled her eyes but smiled as Mary took her arm. “This is why I don’t pay attention to other people,” Lily said. “The moment I do, I lose my mind.”

“At least you know you can take care of yourself.” Mary waved at Marlene on the couch in the common room.

“Finally,” Marlene said. She rolled up her paper in a huff. “Can you believe we already have homework? First day!”

“Bullocks,” Lily cussed. “I forgot my quills. I was going to beg one off Slughorn until I could sneak into town.”

“Well, we wanted to see Dung,” Marlene said. “Might as well hit up the market after supper.”

“I wonder if he has cauldrons,” Lily mused as they walked the corridor to the Great Hall. “I blew my last one up.”


	7. The Muggle Market

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Find whatever you need at the Muggle Market! Second dungeon to the left, just look for Mundungus*. No professors.
> 
> *Not responsible for any broken, cursed or dangerous products

The Hogwarts dungeons only warranted two reasons for visits. The first was living in the lavish Slytherin dorms where there was talk of glass ceilings that looked into the lake and plush rugs that kept the dampness out of the common room. The second and more popular reason came in the form of a secret.

The muggle market started when Mundungus Fletcher saw an opportunity to sell to the muggleborn children that had issues getting magical objects. It started as a trade game, a quill for a muggle pencil, which he then traded to pure bloods who were captivated by the muggle objects. After five years, it was a full-blown hangout spot in the second dungeon on the left every Wednesday until Astronomy got out.

“What is this junk?” Marlene asked, holding up part of a hairdryer. Lily laughed as she examined the long cord and hair cap. “And where did he get it?”

“Probably better not to ask,” Mark said as she sniffed a box. She made a face, replaced the top and set it back on the table. “I can’t believe he smuggled all this stuff in on the train.”

“You know he’s got an illegal extension on his trunk,” Lily said. “Isn’t that how Mary Howard got out for Holiday last year?”

The girls giggled at the rumor as they browsed the long table filled with muggle and witch junk alike. Skulls, cauldrons, quills and feathers sat next to old muggle magazines, scratched records, notebooks and bell bottom pants. It was clear Mundungus had been cruising the flea markets in the muggle world and Lily became less convinced they would find what they needed.

“Ladies!” The smell of Mundungus Fletcher arrived before he did. It was a combination of great cologne and olive oil, something Lily never understood. “What brings the Gryffindors to my humble market?”

“Quills,” Lily said. “And oil.”

Mundungus scoffed and threw his arm around her shoulders. “Not even the good liquid?”

“We don’t need half-filled bottles of firewhiskey,” Mary said with a laugh. “Especially not the kind with Slytherin back-spit.”

Marlene picked up a bottle of said liquid and smelled it, releasing a poof of smoke into the air. “But we are in need of music,” she said. “Or like, a music-thing.”

“A record player,” Lily said. “One of the older ones, preferably. We’re on a mission to bring rock and roll to the castle.”

“A noble cause,” Mundungus said, pulling away. He sifted looked over the piles in thought for a long moment while Lily picked up a couple quills and a bottle of ink. “Nothing without a plug now but I can procure one for you. Check with me next week.”

Lily nodded and moved on further down the table. “You’re selling bath salts now?” she asked, picking up a bottle of shampoo. 

The Slytherin grinned. “You’d be surprised what people forget to pack. Or run out of at the worst of times.

Mary joined Lily looking over at the small pile of towels, soaps and smelling potions. “Why do I get the feeling he’s the reason so many things got ‘misplaced’ last year?” she whispered.

“If this wasn’t so convenient,” Lily said, cringing, “I’d report him myself.”

“But you always forget your quills.”

“Guilty.”

Lily pulled out the few coins she had and counted, ready to barter with the Slytherin. She hated this part and always felt cheated, even when it was a good deal. She looked up and spotted a familiar Gryffindor face.

“Remus?”

The other prefect looked up from the collection of stolen potion ingredients looking too guilty for his own good. “Evans!” he said, too loudly. “Marlene, Mary. How are you?”

“Shopping,” Marlene said. “Lily blew up her homework so we thought we should celebrate.”

“I saw that,” Remus said, now bemused. “What did Sirius say to you?”

Lily groaned. “I swear I’ll never sit at your table again,” she said. “You boys are so clique-y.”

“He’s going through a lot,” Remus said. “Did he blow up the cauldron or did you? He was laughing so hard I couldn’t really understand.”

Marlene and Mary wandered off to discuss alcohol prices with Mundungus so Lily hovered near Remus.

“I did. I guess I lost my head. He just gets under my skin.”

“He has a knack for it,” Remus said with a grin. “Though after the train ride, he won’t have to poke too hard.”

Lily nodded, fiddling with the quill feather. “I talked to the boy that did it,” she said. “But not who was responsible.”

Remus placed a hand on her arm in comfort. “Some monsters prefer to scare more than bite,” he said in a quiet voice.

“I wish people would stop telling me it’s just a prank,” Lily said.

“On the contrary,” Remus said, “scare tactics is an effective propaganda for demoralizing.”

As terrible as the information was, it helped hearing him say it. “Thanks Remus,” she said. “We still up for partnering on patrols?”

Remus nodded. “Of course. I enjoy our long walks in silence.”

“Hey,” Lily said. “Sometimes I also bring a book to match your book.” Then she noticed the potion ingredients again. “And you know if you ever need help with something, I’ve blown up a few things for a few people.”

Remus laughed. “Thank you. I’ll see you on Thursday then?”

“Bright and early.”

Lily returned to her friends and paid Mundungus for the quills, inks and a new soap to try in the bath.

**

The week went on as usual with as little contact with the Marauders as possible. Lily saw Severus lurking in a few of their usual spots but couldn’t bring herself to approach. Instead, she sequestered herself in the library pretending her colors were blue instead of red.

“Aren’t you at all bored of potions?” Alice asked as she flipped through her own textbook. “I mean, it’s bad enough to have a normal class but don’t you also do that special study with Slughorn?”

“Potions make sense,” Lily said, scratching notes into her parchment. She hated quills. Hated, hated, hated. Dipping and dripping and scratching. Pencils were so much better but all assignments had to be completed in ink. “There are variables and components. Different components make up different magical outcomes. It’s tangle magic that everyone can do. How isn’t that exciting?”

She remembered saying the same thing to Severus a while back when he asked why she was so interested in potions. She had been much more excited at the time and Sev seemed more convinced. Actually, looking back at it, that was just before Sev started brewing with her. 

“Anyway,” Lily continued, “I study under Slughorn only on extra assignments.” She was silent for a few moments before looking up. “There aren’t rumors, are there?”

“Slughorn rumors?” Frank asked too quickly for Lily’s liking. “Of course not.”

“Yes,” Alice said, giving her boyfriend an eyeroll. “But there’s always rumors about students and their favorite teachers. Like Mafalda and Vector. Travers and Sprout.”

“James and McGonagall,” Frank mumbled. Alice chuckled.

“That’s kinda gross,” Lily said. She made a face. “That’s really gross.”

A scuffle at a table over from them made them all look over. A girl had fallen from her chair and was now crying out in a fit.

“Help!” the Ravenclaw boy yelled, jumping up from his chair.

Alice, Frank and Lily all shot up running over. Alice bent to grab and steady the girl.

“What happened?” Frank asked as more students took notice. 

“Nothing,” the Ravenclaw said and Lily started recognizing the two. Olivia and Phineas Page. “We just started studying, we just got here!”

“Did she eat anything?” Alice asked, holding the girl’s head as she seized and foamed at the mouth. Dinner was only an hour ago and nothing seemed out of the ordinary on the table.

Phineas shook his head rapidly. “We just started studying!”

Lily looked over at the books on the table. The scroll on the table had Olivia’s name on it and then other scribbled symbols that Lily didn’t recognize.

“What were you studying?” she asked but Pince was making her way to them. 

“We need to get her to the hospital,” Phineas said. Pince waved her hands over the girl and she calmed, passing out into unconsciousness. 

Frank gathered the girl in his arms gently, picking her up like she weighed nothing.

“Support her head,” Alice commanded, still looking like a commander even with Madam Pince there. Frank nodded, leaning the girl’s head against him as all of them started making there way to the door through the crowd of students.

“What were you studying?” Lily asked again though it was hopelessly ignored as the disappeared out the door. She looked back at the books, feeling useless. Her heart felt harsh against her chest and she realized it was fear.

Coincidence, she told herself. Phineas and Olivia were muggleborns. But it was a coincidence. Still, Lily gathered up the books, rolled up the scroll with the quill and packed them in her bag.

She walked into the hall and headed to the hospital. 

A voice called to her down the hall. “Lily wait.” She turned and found Sirius Black heading towards in long strides. “What happened?”

She didn’t have time to puzzle out why Black was seeking her out or how he heard.

“Olivia Page just collapsed in the library,” she said. “I was going to the hospital to check on her.”

Black met up with her and continued walking. “I’ll come with,” he said.

She had to jog to join up with him even after just two of his long strides. “Why?” she asked, holding onto her bag. 

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Why not?”

She shrugged, not seeing the harm in it. But she couldn’t see the reason, either. Or the reason he had escorted another person to the hospital on the first night.

“Why did you help John?” she asked. They turned the corner and entered the stairwell.

“Who?”

“John, the boy from the train. He said you brought him to the hospital on the first night after he was confunded to put that threat on the mirror.” Lily studied Black but his expression never changed. He looked as stone and sharp as he did back on the train.

“That’s where you take people who get hurt,” he said in a voice that gave nothing away. “Don’t see how it’s your business.”

“I just don’t get it,” she said aloud.

“That people you don’t like can do not-terrible things? You’re the one that blows up potions.”

He had a point. Actually, he had several. On the train, they had been civil. Why did she keep this chip on her shoulders about him and his friends?

Because of Severus, she thought. But Severus was friends with a lot of people who were doing a lot of bad things. Death Eaters were being rumored to starting riots at wizard gatherings and giving out propaganda. The same group in school had pressured Sev to stop associating with Lily, played harmful pranks and - 

Lost her best friend.

“I’m sorry I blew up at you,” Lily said. “Literally.”

Sirius cracked a smile. “Nice.”

“Thought you’d like that.” They headed down the corridor to the hospital. The doors were still open and up ahead Lily saw Flitwick walking in. “Thank you,” she said, before there were witnesses. “For helping the kid.”

Sirius didn’t respond, just walked through the door into the hospital. Pomfrey was talking to Pinch and Flitwick next to Olivia’s bed. Alice, Frank and Phineas were sitting around her, looking sullen. Upon entering, Lily caught Alice’s eye, making her rise.

“Do they know what’s wrong?” she asked Alice in a soft voice, looking over the worried faces. Sirius joined the others, looking over Olivia’s sleeping form.

“She has burn marks in her mouth and on her hands and arms,” Alice said. “Teachers don’t know what it is. Curse or potion but they think she’ll be better soon. Pomfrey thinks a salve will help.”

Lily nodded. “Makes sense. Unless it’s really serious, dittany salve would help.”

They both walked back to the bed where Pomfrey was starting to get frazzled.

“This isn’t a social gathering,” she said in a sharp tone. “Olivia needs rest.”

“And you all need to get back to your studies,” Flitwick said, eyeing all of them.

“Can I stay?” Phineas asked. “She’s my sister.”

The professor agreed despite Pomfrey’s protests and the rest of the students headed out.

“Never seen that before,” Frank said, stuffing his hands in his robe pockets. 

“Looked like a curse,” Alice said with all the determination of the Auror she was training to be. “She’ll be lucky if those burns don’t scar.”

“Anyone cast it?” Sirius asked.

Alice shook her head. “Nothing we heard. Phineas said they had just gotten to the library.” She gave Black a once-over. “Do you know anything we don’t?”

Sirius gave a shrug. “Never a clue.”

Alice and Frank both looked at Lily, who shrugged. “This is a one-off right?” she asked. 

All of them frowned at her as she stopped at a corridor intersection.

“What do you mean?” Frank asked.

Alice crossed her arms. “You think it’s connected to the train message?” 

Lily looked over at Sirius who had an intense air about him now. He was studying her the same way she had studied the scene. 

“Olivia’s a muggleborn,” Frank said, thinking. “But so is Phineas.”

“So why her and not him?” Sirius asked. No one seemed to have an answer.

Lily started walking again, at a loss. “You’re right,” she said to no one in particular. “Guess I’m over-thinking it. Pranks, right?”

“Attack is an attack,” Black said. “No one deserves that.”

Lily wondered what the difference between an attack and a prank was. Lifting someone in the air in to humiliate seemed pretty mean. Still, she agreed with Black. Which meant maybe she wasn’t the only one who was changing her mind about things.

“She’ll get better,” Frank said, ever the optimist. 

Lily nodded, trying to believe in his words. “Hope so.”


	8. Second Leaguers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Writing in British is hard.

Lily hovered on her broom above the quidditch field trying to find a comfortable position on the wooden stick as she watched the circus below. The seat was well worn and grooved but it’d been months since she last rode one and it always took her a while to get used to it again.

Marlene flew down from the skies and hovered by her looking like a bird made for flight. “When are we starting?” she asked. Her face was kissed with chill from her tour around the castle. Lily wondered how many laps her roommate had done and how fast.

“Potter’s still fighting with Stevenson about Walsh,” Lily said, pointing to the episode below. “Stevenson says he should be able to play whoever he wants.”

Marlene rolled her eyes. “This isn’t a House game,” she said. “Play Walsh and let the kid get some fly time in. What’s the deal?”

“I know,” Lily agreed. “For once, I’m on Potter’s side about this but Stevenson is apparently hoping to use this as an extra practice.”

Marlene groaned. As she did, she leaned back on her broom and it sank, taking her to the ground like a leaf dropping to a river. It was both beautiful and overly dramatic, just the type of flying Lily envied. She risked sitting up on her own broom, letting go of the wood and hover in the air. Free. 

She started to teeter and she leaned forward again, reclaiming control. No use dying before the game started.

The quidditch field was full of other students in casual clothes and robes flying on all sorts of brooms. Most brought their own from home but there were plenty flying on the same school model Lily was that no one was really embarrassed. 

This was the Second League. The House teams held practice in high regard but there were only so many drills they could run to break in new players. Plenty of other students wanted to play that didn’t make the team and sometimes first years turned up later in the season. So the Captains decided to hold scrimmage games every few weeks to get the nerves out and practice.

It turned out to be one of the most popular school activities. Lily hadn’t missed a game, even when she had the flu in fourth year. House players usually held back in fear of injury and everyone else just wanted to have fun. There was something special about a friendly game of quidditch where everyone was from different Houses and no one really cared about winning.

“When the bloody hell are we starting,” Bones moaned as he floated by. He had a red flag tied around his broom and Lily glared at him in mock competition.

“Ready to get your arse kicked?”

Bones laughed. “Honestly I’d take an arse kicking to this,” he said. “What position are you?”

“Beater,” Lily said. She flew closer so she wouldn’t have to yell. She pulled the beater bat out from the pocket of her robe. “Really hoping I don’t die, actually.”

“Brave,” Bones agreed. “Won’t play that position again, not after the femur fiasco.”

Lily felt a bit light-headed, remembering Bones’s injury a few years back. “I’d forgotten that,” she said.

A whistle blew and Bones waved at her as he turned.

“Good luck!” he called to her as he reclaimed his starting position. Potter, Stevenson and a vindicated Walsh flew up to the starting height. 

“Okay everyone,” Potter said, his voice echoing with a charm so everyone could hear. “Twenty minute halves unless someone catches the snitch. Sub-out if you need to and you /must/ tell us if you’re injured! Got it?” He scanned everyone, those on brooms and those waiting in the stands making sure everyone understood the terms. His eyes barely stopped on Lily as he spoke.

“No spells, no hits, some of us have a cup to win.” Lily heard Marlene laugh while a few others cheered. “And if you don’t stop when I blow my whistle so help me-”

“He’ll turn you into one!” someone yelled and some of the students laughed. 

“I will,” Potter said, but he was grinning too. He flew back down to the chest with the other chasers. Then, the chaos began.

Lily wasn’t a particularly good flier. Brooms were fun but scary at higher heights. She’d always loved playing quidditch knowing she had little to offer the team she played for but loving the competition nonetheless. Seeing a bludger fly directly at her at neck-breaking speed reasonably frightened her.

She promptly swung her bat and hit the thing as hard as she could, nearly falling off her broom in the process. She clung to the wood and then to her bat, trying to bring herself out of a spin and look around the field. Someone in the stands by her was laughing. Her face felt hot.

Then she saw Marlene with the quaffle flying down the field. Right. She needed to protect Marlene and maybe the other chasers.

She flew off towards her team and spotted a dark spot shooting across the field. It crashed into one of the chasers, sending them spiraling with a comical yell.

“Dammit Jones!” one of the students on the red flag team yelled. She saw the other beater shrug and turn, trying to figure out where to go. 

She continued flying forward until she almost caught Marlene.

“On the right!” she yelled and Lily was momentarily dumbstruck until she glanced over, saw the bludger and swung wildly. It barely hit the bat, ricocheting backwards towards where they were seconds before.

Marlene snorted. “Nice hit.”

“Shut it,” Lily hissed. “This is all I do right? Because this is all I’m going to do.”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Marlene said, then dived unexpectedly, sending Lily flying forward into the other team’s chasers. She thought she heard a muffled “Sorry!” but couldn’t be sure it it was from Marlene or one of the girls she had just ran into.

Cheers sounded and Lily looked up to see her team’s chaser circling back around after scoring. Lily turned too, swinging at a bludger but missing as it shot below her.

She tried keeping up with the game as much as possible and not fall off her broom. Twenty minutes went by fast and when Potter blew his whistle, she was actually surprised by the break.

“Godrick’s ghost,” Lily said, flying down and landing next to her friends. She swung her arm in a circle, rotating her shoulder in an attempt to stretch out the ache taking home inside. “That was brutal.”

Her friends looked close to laughing as they looked at her and they had the same exhausted happiness on their face.

“You nearly took my head off with a bludger,” Frank said as he shed his gloves. He ran his hand threw his short hair, shedding sweat. “Don’t think you saw it. I nearly shat my trousers.”

Lily held up her bat. “Never being beater again,” she said. 

“Shame,” Marlene said. She threw her arm around Lily, drunk with team spirit. “You can slam one of those things like a sunovabitch.” She turned then, sensing her captain and Lily saw James Potter walking up to them with his broom in hand.

He kept his eyes to Marlene and Lily felt oddly isolated.

“You guys switching out?” Potter asked, wanting to know what new students to place in what positions. Technically they could play two halves in a row before having to give their spot to a someone that wanted to play but some liked to switch out in order to get a better position.

“Nah, Cap,” Marlene said. “I’m square.”

“I am,” Lily said. She held out her bat, finally drawing his eyes. “I’d like to watch for a while.”

James nodded and took the bat from her, not saying anything. He turned to the seats and walked off, calling the names of student replacements.

“Brr,” Mary said. “Feels like winter already.”

Lily sighed and made her way to the stands. The weather was still nice, having dropped the gross heat of summer without the chill of fall yet. She shielded her eyes against the sun as she watched her friends zoom across the sky.

She found herself watching the chasers as they bobbed and sank then rocketed back up again. He held the ball tight to his chest with confidence but grace, soft enough that the ball wouldn’t pop from his hold when someone reached or hit at it. Lily blinked, realizing who she was staring at - James Potter.

Mary once teased that quidditch was the only time Lily could stand Potter. She had to agree. He just seemed so focused when he flew, so serious compared to his time in the classroom or hallways. And the way he talked to the other students was with real care. Lily watched him answer a dozen question from first years without losing his temper or composure.

“Hullo Lily,” Remus said, setting down his bag with a heavy thump. 

She looked up to him, trying to hide her past actions with exaggeration. “Oh! Hullo Remus.”

“Taken?” he asked, indicating the space next to her.

“No, please.” He sat and Lily turned her eyes to the game. “Why so late?” she asked, when the wind didn’t start the conversation for her.

“Potions homework,” Remus said. “I actually have to beg a favor, Lily.” He scratched the back of his neck and cleared his throat. “I, uh, I can’t do rounds tonight,” he said. “I’m sorry. I just have too much work. Would it be alright-”

Lily waved his words away. “It’s fine, Remus,” she said. She saw his shoulders fall and gave him a smile. “Getting behind this early is frustrating and besides, you look a bit peaky.”

He seemed to blush, despite looking unbelievably pale. She could’ve traced the veins under his skin connecting the light scars that were as mysterious as his illness. It felt nice to be able to do something nice for someone, especially after such a terrible week. And really, this wasn’t the first time Remus had flaked out on their prefect duties.

“Thank you,” he said. Lily nodded again and turned back to the game, avoiding a specific chaser.

**

Stone walls echoed the footsteps from students and the moans of ghosts. Wind had a habit of hollowing through the twists and turns of the castle, making Hogwarts feel almost mythic in its existence. 

Especially at night.

Lily loved walking the castle at night. Last year she was able to walk the corridors after curfew freely and made it a habit to stroll at least once a week whether she had a patrol or night. Usually she was in charge or clearing the halls of the younger students between their curfew and the older students curfew but if she ended her patrol on the other side of the castle, well, it’d take her a full hour to walk back to her dorm.

Tonight was one of those nights when the walk was more quiet than her mind. Everyone was still exhausted from moving back in and the new year. Younger students were still too nervous to get in trouble this early in the year. They’d get bored in a month or two and begin to act up, sneaking into the kitchens or hiding in the library but tonight, the halls were filled with echoes and moonlight.

Lily smiled at the full moon out one of the windows set high in the wall. Suddenly she wished to be outside, walking in that light with the grass under her. Moonlight cleansed crystals and added power to potion ingredients. Olivine said most of her premonitions came during the full moon.

Were witches so easy to control that the moon could pull them to and fro like the tide? Lily shook the thoughts from her head. She felt so confused lately that now she was ready to bark at the moon.

She turned the corner and saw shadows flickering against the wall. Whispers could easily be heard from this far down the hall but Lily couldn’t tell what they were saying.

“Curfew,” she called out, not slowing her stride. She wasn’t put off by students any more than the idea of werewolves in the Forbidden Forest. “Back to bed.”

The shadows were cast by the candle lamps on the walls, the same soft glow Lily walked in all night, but a new brighter flash lit up the hallway. Lily jumped back in time to avoid the jinx only to see two dark robes take off down the hallway.

“Stop!” she yelled, giving chase. _No spells_ , she told herself as she followed the cloaked students down the hall. Green light flew past her and she cussed. Screw it.

_Petrificus Totalus_ , Lily cast silently. The spell bounced off a barrier surrounding the students and struck the wall harmlessly. They rounded a corner before she could cast another. When she turned it, though, they were gone. She explored the hall, looking into the nooks and closets but they had gotten away.

“Dammit.”

Lily finally tucked her wand away and sighed to herself. She could’ve used a win. And maybe some sleep. She decided to cut her losses and settle for sleep and turned back the way she had come.

Rounding the corner to the corridor she found the trouble-makers landed her face-first into another kind of trouble.

“Oof!”

She began to fall but a hand caught her arm and pulled her upright in a brilliant catch.

“Bloody hell,” a familiar rough voice said. “What are you doing here, Evans?”

Lily pushed the hair from her eyes, revealing James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew. 

“Chasing curfew-breakers,” she said, eying them all. Peter looked nervous but Sirius looked more comfortable than he had in days. Maybe rule-breaking was his natural state of being.

James was the one that caught her and still had his hand around her wrist with an expression Lily couldn’t read.

“You all didn’t just try to jinx me, did you?” she asked.

Potter’s eyebrows rose while Peter stuttered. “No!” Peter said. “Of course not!”

“We didn’t even know you were here,” James said but his glare was aimed at Sirius. Sirius shrugged in answer to some question or accusation Lily didn’t understand. 

“Right,” Lily said, pulling her arm away. James jumped back a bit as if just realizing how close they were. “Well, you’re all out of bed after curfew so it’s either follow me back to the Fat Lady or I start deducting points.”

“Come on, Lily,” Peter said in a whine. “Please!”

“Please what?” Lily asked. “What are you guys even doing here? Kitchens are three floors down.” Actually, there was nothing on this floor that Lily could think of, not even a passage into Hogsmeade. 

“Those curfew-breakers,” Sirius said instead of answering, “they say anything to you?”

“No,” Lily said. “Why?”

He nodded to something behind her, his eyes seeing something above. She turned.

High on the walls, hanging by one ankle, was a student. It took Lily a moment to realize the student was real and not a dummy because their skin was pickled green with thick, purple veins bulging on their neck up to their ears and mouth. Their eyes were closed but their mouth hung open in an upside down scream.

Lily stepped back, her own scream catching in her throat. She hit something and hands grabbed her shoulders, keeping her from falling again.

“Bloody hell,” James said, pushing her behind him as he stepped forward.


	9. Professors and Poisons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A student's been found and it's up to Lily, James, Sirius and Peter to get them help.

James stepped forward, gently pushing Lily backwards as if to shield her from the sight. He needn’t bothered - the sight of the student hanging there helpless with such a disgusting ailment already turned her stomach and boiled her blood.

“Merlin’s flytrap,” Peter said, gazing up in fear. “What does something like that?”

“Nothing good,” Sirius said. He pulled out his wand but Lily reached out to stop him.

“No, don’t!” she stumbled past James and pushed Black’s arm down. “You could hurt them.”

“Is they even alive?” Peter asked rather bluntly.

Lily glared at him. “We have to levitate him down. **Now**.” She looked from Peter to Sirius to James. James nodded without argument and took out his wand, quickly flicking it towards the student.

The levicorpus spell put on the student stuck them to wall and took a bit of pulling to get down. James carefully lowered the student to the stone floor and Lily caught their head to keep from injuring them more.

The coloring looked worse up close. The boy’s skin was blotchy and wrinkled, slowly shriveling while his veins pulsed. The boy was small, probably a third year or younger and wore a yellow Hufflepuff tie. He was unrecognizable beyond that.

“He’s alive,” Lily said, checking his breathing and for any bite marks. She listed curses, creatures and poisons through her head, trying to find anything that sounded familiar. Reading about horrific accidents was one thing - seeing it in person was certainly another. 

“Padfoot,” James said. It didn’t sound like a curse and he looked at Sirius. “Get a teacher.”

Sirius took a deep breath and looked at Lily. He looked back at James and nodded, jogging off around the corner. She heard his footsteps echo down the corridor, light and fast. She didn’t have time to puzzle out how he was making the footsteps with the student in her care looking the way he did.

“What does something like this?” Peter said, poking at the boy’s check. “Some kinda hex?”

Lily batted his hands away. “I’ll hex you if touch him again!”

Peter held his hands up in defense and James gave him a glare.

“How can we help?” he asked, bending down. “Should we levitate him to the hospital or is he safe to move?”

His voice was so kind but his eyes burned with anger. The same anger Lily felt rushing through her bones and into her mind. She kept thinking of all the things she wanted to do - find the ones that did it, hit something, hit them, curse the entire castle, cure the boy - but she settled for shrugging off her robe and tucking it under the boy’s head.

“He was hanging there at least a few minutes,” she said, hating the truth of the statement. She hadn’t seen him the first time she raced down the hall. How could she have missed him? “Moving him probably won’t hurt him more. And the levitation spell didn’t have any visible interactions with him when you took him down, so it’s probably not a curse you can set off or make worse.”

“Right,” James said. “Ok. So together you and I will take him to the hospital. Peter will stay here in case those others return.”

“What!” Peter sounded suddenly frightful. “Why can’t I go with you guys?”

“Fine,” James sighed. “Go with Lily. I’ll check around here for anything that might point to what did this.”

“What about…” Peter cleared his throat and made a wild movement with his head. “You know. The other thing?”

Lily looked between them, confused. Surely they weren’t so concerned about a simple prank when something as serious as a student attack was happening.

“Later,” James said in a tone that wouldn’t be argued with.

Lily cast the spell and carefully lifted the student in the air. The hospital would take a decent amount of concentration to get to but it was better than waiting. “Little help, Pettigrew.”

“Right.” He raised his wand and she felt the student grow lighter. 

Lily turned back to James. “Let me know if you find anything,” she said. “Especially if those creeps show back up.”

“You got it,” Potter said.

Lily stepped forward to lead the Hufflepuff to safety when she heard something fall to the floor. Looking down, she saw a girl’s hairclip on the floor. It wasn’t her’s and she could assume it wasn’t the four hooligans. Maybe the boy had dropped it? She bent and picked it up, shoving it into her pocket before continuing on her quest to get him help.

**

“Poison?”

Madam Pomfrey’s fingers moved swiftly over her work, like playing a piano with health potions and medical spells. She didn’t look up at Lily’s questions, merely kept missing the elixir she’d concocted to help counteract the effects.

“Which means we need an antidote,” she said in a dark tone. “Go fetch Professor Slughorn. Time is of the essence.”

Lily stared at her and then the boy on the cot. Still alive but looking worse even in the ten minutes it’d take to bring him to the hospital. They had to wake Madam Pomfrey and she was now trying to operate as hospital caretaker in her nightgown and robe. Peter stood on the other end of the bed, visibly enthralled in the strange complexion. 

Poison? What kind of poison did something like this to a student? Worse yet, Lily was terrified to wonder what kind of person used a type of poison on someone else.

Professor Slughorn was annoyed to be woken up only as long as it took to recognize Lily as the one banging endlessly on his door.

“Evans, dear! What’s wrong?”

By the time he had gathered his supplies, she had explained in detail the condition and the circumstances surrounding it.

“Doesn’t sound like anything I know of,” Slughorn said, leading the way back to the hospital. “Sounds like dragon pox to me but I expect Poppy to know that. Maybe creeping wart but not to the extent you say.” He seemed to puzzle over it like a particularly annoying equation than an urgent issue. 

“Tentacula Juice,” Lily suggested. “Perhaps mixed with some kind of…” she scoured her mind. “Tetterwort?”

Slughorn seemed to think on it. “Possible. I’ve never heard of such a combination. What would be the point of it?”

_To poison someone?_ Lily thought but kept from striking out. Arguing wouldn’t help, it’d only delay saving the student.

When they returned to the hospital, McGonagall and Sirius were there, talking with Madam Pomfrey. 

“Horace,” McGonagall said when she saw them enter. “Do you really think it’s a poison?”

Slughorn made his way over to the bed and examined the boy. Lily stayed back not wanting to hinder his efforts or get too angry as to burst out accusations. She rubbed the palm of her hand, trying to force an itch out of it while she watched the professors muddle around.

“Tough night,” Sirius said. “Where’s James?”

“Wanted to see if the criminals returned to the scene,” Lily said. “Or look for clues. Didn’t know he wanted to become an Aura.”

Sirius snorted. “He’s just buggy when things go sideways.” He stepped away from her, turning to the door.

“Where are you going?”

“To back him up.”

“What?”

Sirius turned back. “You said there were two of them, right? Might as well make it a fair fight.”

Lily followed him out the door, unable to stop herself from some form of action. Anything to make herself feel helpful. 

“You really think students are capable of poisoning another student?” she asked, not really wanting the answer.

“Depends,” he said.

“On?”

“On whether or not that kid’s a muggleborn or not.”

Fear struck Lily like a bolt of lightning. “You don’t really think-”

“Of course I do. And so do you, it’s why you’re bent out of shape about this.”

Lily grabbed Black’s arm and pulled him to a stop. “First of all, stop telling me how I feel. Second, I would be horrified by what I just saw regardless of who the victim was. What kind of person can look at that and imagine a situation where that’s ok?”

Severus’s face flashed through her head but she pushed it away. No, he wouldn’t do something like this and she wouldn’t entertain that idea.

But.

Maybe he could think of someone that did deserve such things. 

Again, Lily pushed the thought away. There was a difference between being prejudice and being cruel. Severus may have proved to be prejudice but he’d never been cruel. I don’t need any help from a filthy little mud blood like her.

“I could think of a few people,” Sirius said, pulling away and continuing his stroll. “Voldemort, my mother…” He trailed off as he walked, darkness shadowing his words. They reached the spot they had left James but found an empty corner. “Prongs, where are you?”

“Do you think he’s hurt?” Lily asked, feeling foolish for leaving someone alone in the corridor at all. After a student had been attacked, even. Stupid. 

“Doubtful,” Sirius said, less concerned about his friend than he ought to be. He sighed and scratched at his ear. Lily noticed parchment sticking out of his pocket, too large to be a simple note.

“What is that?” she asked and grabbed at it. Sirius moved out of the way but not quick enough. She snatched it and turned, not allowing him to grab it back. “Is this what you all were planning to do tonight?” she asked, unfolding the paper.

One side of the parchment was blank but the other was riddled with lines. Squiggly, wrapping lines that made other lines and shapes. Some moved but others - Lily kept unfolding until she saw a familiar word in the middle of a large empty rectangle. _Great Hall._

“Is this a map?” she asked, scanning over the walls and labels. Her eyes caught movement again and she found the hospital where McGonagall, Slughorn and Pomfrey all walked about. “Bloody hell.”

“Bloody hell is right,” Sirius said, groaning. “Prongs will murder me.”

“Prongs?”

Sirius shook his head and pointed to two names. “We’re here,” he said. “So James should be around here somewhere unless…”

“Unless?” Lily looked at him expectantly.

He gave her a glare and grabbed the map back. “Unless he isn’t,” he said. He scanned it again. “Found him.”

“Where?”

Sirius folded the map and tucked it back into his pocket. It stuck out, bending under its own weight. 

“I’ll get him,” he said. “No one else is up so it should be safe to walk alone.”

The amount of confidence he had to say all of that and not assume Lily would have no issues with it suggested he knew very little about the redhead at all.

“You’re past curfew, he’s past curfew, a student was just attacked and you’ve got a magical map that somehow tells you where everyone is.” Her voice raised with every statement but Sirius just looked at her with confusion. “Are you attacking muggleborns?”

Sirius seemed surprised by the accusation. So much so that it took him a long moment before actually getting angry by it. He stepped forward, grabbing the front of Lily’s shirt to bring her closer.

“The hell you just ask me?” he growled and it really did sound like an animal threatening prey.

Lily glared back. A bully was a bully was a bully and Sirius Black had the means to be a bully. A map that told him where every muggleborn student was alone, a family full of dark magic wizards and a personal history of cruel pranks. Yes, they shared a few moments of understand but Lily had been blind to people before.

“Are you attacking muggleborns?” she asked, reaching for her wand. If Sirius was, he had a perfect opportunity to do so right now.

He shoved her against the wall and she gasped out a breath.

“You think I’m some kind of monster?” His eyes were dark, nearly black in the low candlelight making the angles on his face look sgarper. Lily hadn’t been afraid before but was now. “I’d sooner kill the lot then join them.”

“Them” wasn’t particularly specific. If he meant the people attacking muggleborns or someone else, Lily wasn’t sure. The pure, raw edges of Sirius Black sudden became very clear to Lily Evans. He was not and never would be anything people claimed he was. He constantly fought against all the rumors of his family and his reputation. 

His torment of Slytherins made sense to her now. To Black, they were everything he was supposed to be, everything people thought he still was. The more he fought them, the less he’d become one.

Rudimentary maybe, but Lily understood wanting to change everyone’s perception of a common-held belief.

“I’m sorry,” Lily said and meant it. Sirius’s grip loosened on her shirt. “It was a terrible thing to accuse you of.”

The intensity of his anger died, somewhat, but his glare stayed. He released her and stepped away, running his hands through his hair and itched his ear. Lily rubbed her palm in nervousness.

“I’m scared,” she admitted. It felt like a brittle thing to admit, this fear she kept in her chest. It felt like releasing it into the wild would break it open and overgrow. “I feel like I’ve been blind to this for so long, I won’t know how to stop it.”

Sirius sighed and pulled out a pack of rolled cigarettes. “You can’t stop it,” he said and he lit one with his wand.

“Are you really going to do that here?” she asked. The balls on Sirius Black had to be the size of a mastiff. 

“I’m stressed,” Sirius said, then offered it to her. Lily declined but looked around for Filch. She’d seen him somewhere near the dungeons last but he or Mrs. Norris had a habit of sneaking up.

“I’m going to bed,” Lily said, rubbing her temple where a headache started to form. They couldn’t do anything now with everyone asleep. Her passion to hit something melted into exhaustion. “But I want to ask you about all this tomorrow.”

Sirius blew a puff of smoke into the air. It smelled like cinnamon.

“You know where to find me,” he said. He watched her walk away and again Lily wondered what the three of them had been doing up and in the corridor. It was a better mystery to think about on her way to bed than the other one.

Like who she’d seen running off, trying to jinx her and if they were the same people that attacked the Hufflepuff boy. 

She rubbed at her hand when she undressed. It itched and burned and she turned a light on to see it better. She expected a scratch or bruise, something she wouldn’t remember getting during a scuffle, but instead her entire palm and fingers were an angry red. It was like she’d been bitten or burned by something.

She tried replaying the night but couldn’t recall getting hit by a spell. Maybe she’d gotten it from the boy? But her other hand was fine.

She washed it in the wash basin and applied a simple calming cream. She pulled a scarf from her trunk and wrapped it around her hand to keep it from spreading in her sleep.

Sighing, she sat down on her bed. If this was the best she could do, mending minor infections, what good was she, really?

Lily lay down, staring out the window of the moon and fell asleep thinking of curses.


End file.
